EFM Home Page

Back Row (L-R) - Ian King, Mark Pendred, Tom George, Carl Fadhel, Tom Fenton, Dave Kendell, Ben Griffiths, Pete Ratcliffe, Richard Barker, Andy Cornish, John Sherwood

Front Row (L-R) - Alex Haggerty, Martin Chard, Anthony Costello, John Wilkins, Paul Jones, Dave Ashley

 Random Animation Of The Week

 "WELL TONIGHT THANK GOD IT'S THEM INSTEAD OF YOU"

Founded in the spring of 2001, EFM is a Sunday League Football team playing in Division 2 of the Verulam & District Sunday Football League in the leafy cathedral city of St Albans, in Hertfordshire. After playing an assortment of friendlies, the club elected to join the Verulam & district Sunday Football League having failed in it's attempts to join The Nationwide Conference, Serie A, La Liga and the Bundesliga. The club turned down an offer to join the Bank of Scotland Scottish League because they felt there would be no competition for them playing in that league.

More of a drinking club than a football club, EFM have rolled over and died in every competitive match they've played in their inaugural season. Loosely allied to St Albans City FC, they were formed partly as the result of a drunken bet, and partly so that eleven (though more usually nine or ten) chain-smoking, alcoholic, overweight baboons could run around ineptly for 90 minutes without fear of getting beaten up by their team-mates after the match on account of their incompetence. In spite of the fact that EFM ("England's First Martyrs") are heading towards conceding 200+ goals for the season, their heads refuse to bow. Like true Englishmen, they remain stubborn to the point of stupidity - refusing to accept the futility of playing out of their depths in a league in which teams meet apart from on match days and in the pub on Saturday nights and even, if rumour is to be believed, train.

The team, however, is only half of the story. EFM is a firm which wreaks havoc across the football grounds of the Ryman League Premier Division and beyond. The self-styled "firm" have a reputation which spreads beyond the city limits of St Albans. Incompetent on the pitch and full of beer and spirits off the pitch, the firm keeps itself in peak physical condition with a judicious mixture of binge drinking, unprotected sex (not with each other, mind you), recreational drugs such as Pro Plus, singing very loudly on trains, accosting young girls and doing absolutely no training whatsoever.

So, should you happen to be in the Cathedral City on a Friday on a Saturday night, and a sudden gust of wind seems to carry the strains of "Do They Know It's Christmas" (especially if it's July), then watch out... you're in EFM territory. And if you take this seriously... you're even stupider than we probably already think you are. 

 THE MOST GLAMOUROUS FOOTBALL TEAM IN BRITAIN?

(Above - Sniffer Thorns: A Real Ladyboy's Ladyboy)

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