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27/5/2002 16:33 GMT  Tord Grip
To get you all fit for next season please follow the fitness exercises in this website- Note the comedy 6 times a week part!! 
27/5/2002 09:52 GMT  Costello
Has anyone got that famouse picture which won photo of the year. You know the one that gums took. Surely a great picture for the site .  
25/5/2002 03:43 GMT  Roy Keane's private plane!
I always said that sniffer should win, the amount of sh** that can throwing thing stoked up its pretty amazing!!! 
25/5/2002 00:08 GMT  jesus jones
Jesus....stop preaching and start playing you tosser 
22/5/2002 18:26 GMT  Wilks
21/5/2002 15:39 GMT  Victor Lewis Smith
I hear the "ex-T.V presenter" will soon be in a new prison drama called "soap on a Rope" where he plays one of mr Big's b!tches. 
20/5/2002 14:39 GMT  The Director General of the BBC
We hope to get that "ex-Tv Presenter" you speak about in your poll back on the box soon - UK Living or something! 
19/5/2002 19:02 GMT  The Crowns Landlord
Yes but you're not invited,  
18/5/2002 23:15 GMT  G_H_A
Despite EFM's sponsorship deal with the Beehive, I trust everyone will be watching the World Cup down the Crown, yes? 
16/5/2002 13:45 GMT  le penn
why can i not allowed vote twice on your vote poll? also i dont know how you say in english, je voudrais jouer pour le efm.  
13/5/2002 16:17 GMT  Gaffer
Many thanks to all who managed to shake off hangovers to make the cricket match, although i was terrible with the bat (a golden Duck!!) i do beleive my bowling figures of One wicket for seventeen runs of 6 overs made up for it,and many thanks to the team for dropping two dollys of my bowling.Honourable mentions to Ron who snapped up two wickets, and also hit the stumps without dislodging the bails! to jesus for bagging their top scorer and to greg for getting a well diserved wicket. Well done to dave for getting among the wickets and giving our score a modicum of respectability. hopefully we will get a better team out for the return game sometime in august. 
13/5/2002 11:47 GMT  andre dellier
ben you play football like a gymnast anyway. ponsin around in the centre of the park. 
12/5/2002 14:27 GMT  costello
anychance of getting peoples e^mail adresses on here somewhere.i cant get porn on the net at uni but it can be sent. cheers mate 
12/5/2002 02:20 GMT  Mr Big
I'm looking forward to meating that Sniffer Thorns in the shower. He'll be sniffing my anus for the next five years. At least a prison haircut will sort him out a bit. I'm looking forward to seeing what he can trade for his enormous collection of pies and underage pornography. 
9/5/2002 13:54 GMT  Gaffer
Top performance, good to see us teach Saints Supporters how to play and drink. Get those pictures sorted, this is why we have nerds in the team! 
9/5/2002 11:55 GMT  cOSTELLO
9/5/2002 11:19 GMT  Sven
I have only just realised what I have done, I only forgot to take Kendell to the world cup. Oh well there's always 2006. 
9/5/2002 08:52 GMT  Sultans of Ping
I was dancing in the disco, bumper to bumper, wait a minute, where's me jumper 
2/5/2002 12:09 GMT  John Prescott
I like pie and chips 
2/5/2002 06:44 GMT  Gary Ansell
I'll play Saturday, I need to earn my money somehow! By the way the new first page is a crock'o'sh*te lets get the old funny one back! 
1/5/2002 18:28 GMT  Ali McMoist
We've needed that all season, why should Saturday be any different? 
1/5/2002 17:05 GMT  saints supporter
good luck u need it haha 
30/4/2002 11:07 GMT  Naiive
Jesus would never get married on cup final day, he'll be too busy hoping somehow they both lose. 
30/4/2002 09:02 GMT  friend of jesus
st marys church maclesfield sat 4 may 2pm dont let on i told u 
29/4/2002 16:31 GMT  Al Davidson
Parfitt is not for sale at any price, but you can have Harrison for a packet of Wotsits 
29/4/2002 11:05 GMT  Harpenden Arms Dancing Queens
20 - 0 ? na na na na na ! Left your ringers at home this week? 
29/4/2002 10:58 GMT  Mike Berry
Honour is restored! A well deserved victory to the Dancing Queens on Sunday - and Tim Parfitt's first goal of the season. Look forward to the decider later in the summer. 
27/4/2002 13:20 GMT  Tom Paulin
I have to agree the new home page is terrible, there's no humour, the surreal qualities of the origional have been lost in the neo-reportage style of its replacement. Where the first transcript had a gentle mocking style that summed up the teams ethos and bonn a vie.the new opening gambit suggests a team thats taking itself far too seriously. Bring Back The Orgional Page, it was truely a work of genius 
27/4/2002 03:03 GMT  The boy Thorns
Another Friday night Another internet cafe Another ass! 
25/4/2002 10:55 GMT  its suppost to be a laugh
oi King NO! That new front page dialouge is dull and boring. BRING BACK THE OLD ONE NOW. Stop taking yourslef so seriusly 
22/4/2002 18:14 GMT  An Interested Observer
All I can say is: thank God he didn't score a hat-trick. 
22/4/2002 18:14 GMT  An Interested Observer
All I can say is: thank God he didn't score a hat-trick. 
17/4/2002 17:26 GMT  gary roberts
this has got really sh!t close it down 
17/4/2002 14:25 GMT  Bernard Manning
Why did the chicken cross the road?... To get to the other side.... Why did Thornsy cross the road?... His knob was stuck in the chicken 
16/4/2002 18:04 GMT  Arse
13/4/2002 05:31 GMT  The coconut seller
I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts - well what did you expect! 
10/4/2002 23:09 GMT  George Bush Junior
Just thought I'd let you EFM boys know the truth about September 11th first, the attack was known about and planned by various elements of the U.S. government before 9/11 and was allowed to take place in order to bring about certain conditions, including the suspension of guaranteed civil liberties. Secondly is that bin Laden and al Queda based in Afghanistan are not completly responsible for the attack as those supporting, funding and protecting them are not based in Afghanistan but are in fact closely connected to the Bush administration and to the allies President Bush has taken. Thirdly, a U.S. built oil pipeline through Afghanistan which has been in the planning stages for more than a decade is the real goal of this war and that a U.S. invasion of Afghanistan was in the works long before September 11th. Just thought I'd clear it up! 
10/4/2002 10:16 GMT  WTF?
Oh shut up,you retard. 
9/4/2002 16:14 GMT  Pinky
ha ha ha u r al gona dy haaaaaaaahaahahaahahahahahahahahahaha 
9/4/2002 08:12 GMT  jesus
what time is anyone thinking of getting to the crown tonight? I assume there will be plenty of pre-match drinking before much p*ss-taking of the shots?!! 
6/4/2002 12:59 GMT  Slipper oyf the Yard
I urge EFM to hand over the cider fugitive colin Toms a.k.a.Sniffer thorns, thornsey, tomsey, tommo, col, womble, that twat in a furry coat, jonathon king, paedo boy, peadophile, Mr toms, and paddle feet. Unlike Ronnie biggs he will not escape the hand of the Law. 
6/4/2002 10:37 GMT  Costello Boy
Who the hell said i'm losing the plot, and that tom should be the leader. I've tought that lad everything he knows.  
6/4/2002 06:52 GMT  Ken Butlins Holiday Camp
Ha Ha Ha! I've burnt down one holiday camp, now for the rest and then your houses, hilltop estate, cottonmill all going. Soon you'll all live in giant Butlins, it's my dream, Freddie Starr will always have work amonst the sprawling chalets over vast areas of fun. Imagine a swimming pool with fun slide on every corner, slowley I'll take you all just see if I don't! VIVA FIRE, LONG LIVE BUTLINS, VOTE KEN BUTLINS HOLIDAY CAMP FOR KING OF THE WORLD!!!!!!! I Will soon be made of gold! 
2/4/2002 13:02 GMT  anagram sam
seeing as everyone's doing anagrams at the moment, an anagram of TOM FENTON is NOT NOT EFM. Double negative. Therefore Tom shall be our new leader. Costello has rather lost it lately anyway. 
1/4/2002 15:48 GMT  James Robert Morrison!
I can prove it wasn't me I was on a stage in germany, I've always loved the queenie mum her daughters and her daughters son's, from princess A to princress Bea and all the royal family. 
1/4/2002 15:08 GMT  Tricky Dicky
According to my dominatrix, my long road back from groin trouble is almost over. Tremble at my talent. 
31/3/2002 17:07 GMT  Pele
I heard that Thorns Fellow was better than Ronaldo due to his play (badly) anywhere status. Like to see Ronaldo fill in at left back and emergency centre-half, gertcha! indeed. 
28/3/2002 10:48 GMT  Ronaldo - aka Penders
If the truth be known it wasnt the only thing I told her that was a slight embelishment of the truth 
28/3/2002 09:53 GMT  Well 'ard, Robbies dog.
Actually Mark you liar, I overheard you telling some bird you WERE Englands answer to Ronaldo. 
27/3/2002 15:06 GMT  Chas n' Dave
you're all big gay Berkshire Hunts.Get your plates of meat to the rub a dub thursday for a big cockney knees up. 
27/3/2002 11:50 GMT  Penders
I am in total agreement with Nick et al, likewise I have never claimed to be Englands answer to Ronaldo (far from it). The simple fact is, that without people like Nick who give up their Sundays, we would not have been able to field a team on Sunday and therefore they MUST be encouraged to keep turning up. The person responsible for this should walk away from EFM, they are clearly not happy with the set up or team members and therefore have no further part to play within the club.  
27/3/2002 11:26 GMT  Ian
Just to clarify, Nick - I'm not certain who it was who had been leaving messages on here, but I've got a pretty good idea. The extent to which I've discussed it with anybody has been to come to the conclusion that it's not somebody who is a regular player. I think that the best solution is if we close the guestbook and make the club forum a member's only area with password only entry, otherwise anybody can get on here and say whatever they like with... well, you've seen the results for yourself. I deleted anything I found offensive from here last night, which is something I really didn't want to ever have to do, andis something that I don't ever want to have to do again. I'm all in favour of good natured p1sstaking as much as anybody else, but I won't put up with anything more than that. Anything further to add, we can discuss it tomorrow night. And a quick message for whomever it was that was putting the messages on here - if you don't like it, you can always go and play for somebody else.  
27/3/2002 10:02 GMT  Nick Turner
Have I missed something? Did someone have a pop at my dribbling skills? Just ask my wife how good I am at getting past the opposition. I have heard there have been a few hurtful comments posted. I do actually realise that my footballing talent is pretty much non existant, and for that reason I only play when I ask John if he is short. I am under no illusion that I will not get a game if there are better players available. If you want to make a constructive comment fine, otherwise keep your stupid mouth shut. Do not tell me who you were because I actually thought that I liked everyone on the team. 
27/3/2002 09:12 GMT  David
Let's not kid ourselves we're not real madrid. We set the club up so that people could get games. We have some good players but most people are not that different in ability. If we don't stop fighting pretty soon we won't have a team. I think every body should get together on thursday and work it out. That's my p**fy why can't everyone be friends speach out of the way! 
26/3/2002 18:43 GMT  councillor mcmillan
i love you all 
26/3/2002 12:08 GMT  Whinging Anelka's
Im sorry but you cant point the finger at one individual, the whole team played badly plus the reasons that Sherwood pointed out. If people concentrated as much on the game as they did whinging and sulking we would be looking at promotion by now!!! 
25/3/2002 16:20 GMT  Gaffer
In response to yesterday we were sh!t, I agree we played badly but we were without 5 players who played the Jacks and would have started yesterday if they were available.We had to play people out of position, this could not be helped.To say we have got worse is a joke anyone remember a 1-22 defeat and numerous double figure drubbings.Yesterday was a dip in form due to cicumstances, We will not play that bad again.ANYWAY GOOD TO SEE THORNS HAVING A LARGE NIGHT OUT IN LONDONS CYBERCAFES, THATS WHAT I CALL A HARDCORE SATURDAY NIGHT!! 
24/3/2002 15:37 GMT  Chas Hodges
Well i've working hard to meet me tar-git 
23/3/2002 14:25 GMT  Sepp Blatter
update the league table you lazy baboons!!!! 
21/3/2002 16:31 GMT  Louis Figo
Eu era no preocupado início sobre a notícia que eu não poderia jogar no complexo do cottonmill, porém a possibilidade competir com o Paul Jones na asa esquerda me fêz querer juntar E E EFM. 
21/3/2002 16:03 GMT  Patrick Vieira
Je voudrais rester à l'arsenal mais je suis également tenté par l'offre de M. Sherwood pour jouer pour EFM. Je crois que je recevrais autant que je pourrais boire dans la ruche et les puces libres aussi. 
21/3/2002 14:11 GMT  Busy day at work
I think that Dellfields is easier to get to but we do have such a good record at the Pioneer! I think that we should get the Beehive to provide a club bus to take us from the Pioneer to the pub if they want us to go all that way. 
21/3/2002 10:17 GMT  New Signing
I would recommend going for Dellfield pitch 1. The Pioneer is very prone to flooding, and over the past couple of seasons has developed a permanent puddle on the right hand side.  
20/3/2002 14:51 GMT  Abe Akinbyi's Agent
You cant teach world class talent like that, its a gift! Live the dream  
20/3/2002 10:00 GMT  Greedy Moneybags Agents P.L.C.
After hearing of your lucrative sponsorship deal, i Would like to offer you Ade Akinbyi, he too can fail to score from the goal line, so would make ab excellent foil for penders as they spend most of the game passing to each other via the oppositions woodwork. 
19/3/2002 15:08 GMT  Dr Stephen Hawkins
After studying the form, Sniffer Thorns wouldve probably tip-toed in gracefully, like he does. Taken the shot and hit the corner flag.More probable scenarios are scoring an own goal or standing on the ball and falling over.  
19/3/2002 14:06 GMT  Idea for the next Poll
Would Sniffer Thorns have buried the chance that Penders blasted against the crossbar on Sunday ?  
18/3/2002 17:35 GMT  Gaffer
Once again congratulations to all those who gave Division one side "the crown" such a good game on sunday, I was only disappointed that if the ref had been better we could have got something from the game, it goes to show we can even give 12 men the run around.As for todays poll how about the old fasioned concept of Leaving the manager to pick from those available on the day.  
18/3/2002 10:27 GMT  bungle
re: profiles. doesn't ian lawrence look alot like andy cornish? 
18/3/2002 00:32 GMT  Jefferey Archer
I've seen that sniffer thorns in the shower here! he picked up the soap! 
16/3/2002 14:45 GMT  Gaffer
I Feel i need to jump to my own defense while wild accusations seem to be flying around.I did hack in to the site to show how easy it is to do, and thought this needed highlighting. As for deleting "a Tribute to Jesus" This is a totally unfounded accusation as i beleive it to be one of the GREAT pieces of journalism of our time, rating alongside anything Norman Mailer has ever written and makes Jon Ronsons celebrity profiles look amateurish in comparasson.I can confirm however i have been approached by a big publishing house wanting me to write a book on the entire saga, and how as a team we get through such difficult times - a working title of"EFM on TRIAL" has been suggested.  
16/3/2002 13:47 GMT  Ian
Apoloigies to the falsely acused Jesus and Colib. If Jon could kindly tell me what he's changed the password to, as at present he is the only person with access to the site (presuming that it was him). I've got some quite important information that I need to put on here, and would be grateful if I could be allowed to do it. 
16/3/2002 13:23 GMT  Ian
Just FYI, I can confirm the following information. When I set up this website in the first place, I only gave the password to Sniffer Thorns, Mark Pendred and Jesus. Therefore, it could only have been me, Sniffer, Mark, Jesus or the administrators of In The Team who deleted Jesus' Home Page. I know for sure that it wasn't me, so it can only have been one of the above, unless (and there's always an "unless")... I know pretty much for sure that one of the above has been getting drunk and giving out the administration password to anybody who asked for it (one person I know got it for sure, and it's likely to have spread further than just one person), so it could be anybody who has deleted it. It is, of course, very unlikely that the site administrators would have deleted a page without notifying one of us. If you're looking for a motive, consider this... who would be the most likely out of all of us to take a vicarious pleasure from watching Jesus get upset, and who has been winding him up the most on here since he was left out of the team for the Blackberry Jacks match. I shall leave you to make up your own minds, but I know who my money's on... 
15/3/2002 18:12 GMT  D.I Burnside
One suspects Jon "63%" Sherwood has managed to hack into the system by guessing someones password, felt all clever about it and now wants you to guess which one. Was it Sherwood who deleated the Jesus tribute page as he doesn't want mere players getting special features as it's low for morale. Mr Kendell if anyone can go in hard on Dave ash from behind we're sure it's you!!!!! 
15/3/2002 16:55 GMT  David 'untimed tackle' Kendell
I can confirm that I will be available to go in hard on Mr Ashley. Could someone let me know what time kickoff is and whether we need to pay a ref. 
15/3/2002 14:27 GMT  inventor of the worst poll in the world
zippy, youre spot on. that is THE worst idea for a poll ever. its sh*te. whe 'uglyiest player on the team' was far better, especially as wilks was winning. 
15/3/2002 14:04 GMT  zippy
the current 'passwords' poll is crap.  
14/3/2002 12:19 GMT  Jon Sherwood's Image Consultant
Obviously, I will be making several recommendations to Shallow Hal. These will include staying in more (especially during the summer), going to very quiet pubs in order to minimise distress to unsuspecting members of the public and three (count 'em!) paper bags. Can't take any chances, you know.  
14/3/2002 11:51 GMT  Daphne and Celeste
U-G-L-Y You aint got no alibi......... 
14/3/2002 11:10 GMT  Dave Ash
A friendly between The Crown and EFM will take place this Sunday (17th) at Cottonmill. Will this be the end of the winning run ????? 
14/3/2002 10:12 GMT  gaffer
I admire everyones keen sense of irony in the way they have voted in the latest poll!  
13/3/2002 16:45 GMT  arseholes then
13/3/2002 15:33 GMT  depressed yido
Informing the boys that its ben 'irll caffeine you up' griffiths' 18th today and one f*u*king monster of a p*ss up will be held to mak the occasion. unfortunately it is taking place in st.albans, but gt yourselves up the peahen for kareoke tonight. a bit of 'tonight thank god its them instead of you' is in order. all drugs welcome as always. 
13/3/2002 12:49 GMT  Darth Penders
Does anyone know if a friendly has been arranged yet for this Sunday? 
13/3/2002 10:07 GMT  your bloke
13/3/2002 09:36 GMT  your bird
you think you could read e-mail today? 
12/3/2002 11:23 GMT  Osama Bin Laden
I was just examining the EFM team photo and the one you call bin fahdel appears to be growing a magnificent beard! praise Allah he can come and join the war aginst the American infadels. 
11/3/2002 20:00 GMT  Al Cormorante
Memo to Thorns and Jesus: If you don't like it, The Crown will be auditioning for a new striker in the summer. Maybe this role could be offered, "Pop Idol" style, live on TV after watching your considerable ball skills in a 1 hour special hosted by Christopher Biggins and Thora Hird. 
11/3/2002 17:08 GMT  gaffer
reading the latest pages reminds me to put my money on "i'm not bitter & wind up merchant" in the 3.50 at doncaster tomorrow. 
11/3/2002 16:41 GMT  MC Sniifer da force Thorns
Raps my Ted Rodgers, the microphones my dusty bin, dropping thorns from the tean is a cardinal sin, you know all i need to do is pull up my sox, and the one they call sniifer will be back on the box, his clothes and hair symbolise individuality but really it just symbolises his instability......... now wheres my gun!!!!! 
11/3/2002 12:57 GMT  me
Wasn't gonna bite but... i float like a butterfly, sting like a bee - a country house in surrey is where thorns should be - the mighty EFM won a game - when Thorns was not in the frame - a DJ he is not, TV presenter too - but stick with them Col, cos playing footie just ain't you  
11/3/2002 12:26 GMT  Mohamad Ali
I float like a butterfly, Sting like a bee, on the bench is where jesus should be.EFM won a game when jones was not in the frame.He left the bench with the score 3 nil, and the good he did he should've gone home ill.a Poet he's not,song writing too but stick with them cause with football he has no clue. Allah be praised.  
10/3/2002 23:44 GMT  Thorns
I sacrifised my soul to the footballing devil when I signed for EFM 
9/3/2002 01:19 GMT  Statto
EFM 20 games - Paul Jones starting 19, 19 defeats 100% defeat record. 1 win, Paul Jones on bench - 100% winnning record, the stats speak for themselves!!!!!!!! We couldn't quite put our fingers on the reason we lost every game, we knew there was a weak link but we didn't know where!!!!! UNTIL NOW!!!!!! 
8/3/2002 08:59 GMT  Bring back beautiful football to EFM!
This is a warning from the campaign for the reinstatement of youssef alam zeal, the (pis*)artist formerly known as Jesus. He may wear glasses, but they don't affect his passes He may have a beer belly, but he still gives it some welly He may write poetry but he's still a member of the varletry He may be yesterdays man in the song but he's tommorrows man on the pitch! so bring back the best winger in division 2 of the v&d league - now! 
7/3/2002 08:24 GMT  The EFM unbelivers yesterdays men fanclub branch!
EFM won a game - Tell us we didn't do it! Jesus Dropped - I broke a wing wizzard! 
6/3/2002 23:54 GMT  Disgruntled Thorns
OI! I came on this website about 10 minutes ago, the poll had 8 votes and my sacrafice was on 25%, I leave for 10 minutes and someones been on made a ninth vote and now I'm on 33%, Who was it? and sure this isn't some form of Ian King HTML bugging system where whenever I log on at work I vote for myself, answers on a postcard to Bill Garden Gates 
5/3/2002 10:48 GMT  Costello
Ilove you all. 
4/3/2002 16:18 GMT  Vinny Jones
I was most impresssed with the first booking! At last, my money was on sniffer's mis-timed tackles, still 2 goals for the weird haired one! 
4/3/2002 14:46 GMT  Gaffer
Congratulations to all and sundry after a magnificant victory, not a bad performance from any of the troops. Saints supporters must be quaking in their boots at the thought of facing such a formidable outfit, and the chance of playing the crown must now only be a remote possibility. Naturally I am declaring tis week an EFM Holiday should anyone be celebrating in town this week dont forget to contact me!  
4/3/2002 12:59 GMT  baby spice
i don't know, the guy in the front row, second from the right looks rather tasty to me 
4/3/2002 12:08 GMT  Alfred The Dancing Frog
Examining the photo, it had never comlpetely occurred to me what a bunch of ugly fukkers we are. Yes, I include myself in that. 
4/3/2002 11:14 GMT  observer
re: team photo. Is that the hint of a smile on Wilks' face? 
2/3/2002 20:14 GMT  John Sherwood's Stalker
Rumour has it that the gaffer has been up to his old tricks again... leading by example, I'm glad to see. 
1/3/2002 13:42 GMT  Gaffer
Will Sunday be Jesus's last game as a Single man? and if so does this explain his very moving poem, If paul could put the ball in the back of the net with the same finese as we pens his little ditty's then we would have a player of some note. As for sunday i can feel victory in my bones. as for sendings off although generally in favour can we please wait till the 89th minute when vivctory is already secured. 
1/3/2002 12:05 GMT  JESUS
28/2/2002 20:18 GMT  yido
so jesus, when is the big day? you cant hide it forever.  
27/2/2002 22:12 GMT  Mr Viz's Brother
He's a w*nker 
27/2/2002 09:29 GMT  sven goran eriksson
who's the handsome chap with the long hair, plays on the left wing? I believe he's scored 2 goals in the last 4 games now. 
27/2/2002 04:09 GMT  Cilla Blackpool Pleasure Beach
Well my prediction is as Sniffer Thorns isn't playing you will of course lose! Shoot me if I'm wrong come 1300 on Sunday 
26/2/2002 15:24 GMT  If we win
we a)hand binfadel ove rto the americans b)stop playing for efm c)go around bens house for dinner d)Stop breathing e)Tell the referee it was a mistake and that we where actually cheating f)go down the crown what do you lot think 
26/2/2002 14:57 GMT  Costello
Its all about the wings i think this sunday. Thats surley where were going to win the game. Alot of sleepless nights lay ahead for you gaffa. Possibly the worst job in England. and the most unsatisfying oh and im well up for getting sent orf if the opertunity arises  
26/2/2002 14:57 GMT  a depressed yido
gaffer, that last line has inspired me to pull yet another sicky on sunday (my average for days missed is upto 12% compared to a company average of below 3%! most commendable i think you will agree!) so put me in for for a midfield spot mate, this sunday will be etched in efm history as our firsat win, i can feel it in my vains... 
26/2/2002 14:32 GMT  Gaffer
Good to see that we could have our Strongest team so far this season, selection headaches await and some disappointments for an increasingly hungry squad. Victory is there for the taking and so i am banning Pro Plus on saturday night. Naturally alcohol, cocaine, speed, heroin, grass, and ecstasy are still on the EFM list of approved substances.Our Time has come EFM will come out of the shadows to rock the VD league to its foundations with an Historic Win. 
26/2/2002 12:22 GMT  Costello
Good evening chaps . Just writting to apologise for not being at Canvey on Saturday, im sure it was ablast . Id like to thank Ben for ensuring there was a little bit of violence still going o without my presence. Ill be coming home this saturday night. And will be well rared up to take on the blackberry jack. I think we could win. whats the team looking like. I hear you all had a great game last week. Oh and the beach party was a sucess.  
25/2/2002 09:13 GMT  Jesus
re: wedding date I'll give you a clue - I won't be at Maidenhead tomorrow night. 
23/2/2002 16:05 GMT  Cilla Black
Is the gaffer aka "shallow hal" sherwood that deseperate that he's taken to being pen pals with a bunch of fat northern lasses ?????????????? He could come on my show if things are that bad. 
21/2/2002 16:11 GMT  kirklees ladies
hey guys, nice site! good luck for the rest of the season. visit us and see how crap our season has been at please leave a message of encouragment in our guestbook :( 
21/2/2002 11:03 GMT  The Chuckle Brothers
I don't like bach, I don't like any classical music! However if you had a beach party we might of come! I'm sure Anthony you understand the EFM rules, all monies for the weekend will now have to go on the trip to Canvey thus leaving the younger lads skint. I'm sure you'll prefere the trouble caused at Canvey in your name rather than us all in speedo's being sick over priceless paintings in Oxford Town Hall You could of course come to Canvey, as former of EFM you are alwyas welcome, but I beleave your seeing your girlfriend this weekend! NOT VERY EFM SQUIRE!!!!!!! Enjoy your ice cream on Thursday and Charlotte on Saturday, we'll wind up the un-eductated essex masses for you, our new chant can be "our leader studies at Oxford, our leader studies at Oxford, la la la la) We'll be down to see ya soon guv'nor! GOD SAVE THE QUEEN 
20/2/2002 16:36 GMT  Costello
Today was avery sad dsay for me as i had found thst A number of EFM boys arnt coming up to my bach party i have organised. Thanks for the support lads. After my efforts to get down for a stalbans meeting and then making a seven hour round trip on a tuesday night . Suppose you boys are forgetting about me and i suppose you also forgot how EFM ever satrted. God bless you all and i hope you all die with a heart attack in your next game.  
18/2/2002 08:37 GMT  Wendy James from Transvision Vamp
Sorry Mr King but Thorns, Ben "I wanna caffeine you up" Grittiths, Bin Fadhel, Pete "I love drinking with my pupils" Ratcliffe and Tom "well i don't even play for EFM, but am certainly part of the firm" Fenton and all oarf to Anthony Costello's beach party in Oxford on Thursday thus meaning the meeting regarding the inevitable expulsion of Southdown OB's will have to attended by someone else, take Jesus he doesn't have fun anymore!!!! 
17/2/2002 20:41 GMT  Frank Bough
17/2/2002 19:43 GMT  Hamish
Come and see our site & sign the guestbook at 
15/2/2002 19:19 GMT  Richard Whiteley's big tow
of corse i am knottt! mupet! 
15/2/2002 15:52 GMT  OED
Is Sniffer purposely spelling words like a dyslexic monkey. 
14/2/2002 17:26 GMT  Gaffer
with the crown chickening out of our last game, Icarus shall feel our Wrath. 
14/2/2002 01:33 GMT  Sniffer
I was pleading for the leauge to put a stop to the fortcoming embarresement of one of my best pals mr dave ashley! 
13/2/2002 12:20 GMT  Dave Ash
Gutted about the cancellation of the Crown v EFM game, as I'd banked on adding about 8 goals to my seasons' tally. I did hear that the cancellation came about after a lot of pleading and begging by Thorns to the league. 
12/2/2002 08:29 GMT  gaffer
How refreshing to see the whole of the VD league running scared of EFM. its about time we were showed some respect. who knows one team might pluck up enough courage to give us a game 
11/2/2002 08:56 GMT  Jesus
No they didn't. They beat us 7-0. What a joke. 
10/2/2002 11:22 GMT  Emu
I'm missing you Rod 
8/2/2002 17:38 GMT  The Ghost Of Rod Hull
Because, apparently (according to Alan Moss), they beat us 11-0, not 7-0 (don't complain about it). 
8/2/2002 16:21 GMT  a mathematician
re: southdown old boys news.. how come our goal difference has improved by 11 goals, when we only lost 7-0 to them? 
7/2/2002 14:08 GMT  THE ONLY married one
Which Mickey Mouse gossip mongerer reckons Jesus is now married? I want to hear from the Messiah(on the left wing at least) himself. I now its not much but being married is the best thing I am at in the team.  
7/2/2002 14:05 GMT  Gaffer
Just cos jesus is married we shouldn't let that stop us putting him on the night train to inverness.As we nearly turned the corner on sunday i feel a victory is now within our a victory celebration although a bit early on saturday night, see you all down the boozer. 
6/2/2002 01:57 GMT  Patsy Kensit
Barks mate, the stag weekend is when you realise how much fun you could be having while the actual wedding means it's too late! 
5/2/2002 15:36 GMT  yido
who have we got this weekend?? and as for me not reaching my goal target of 6 (1 scored 5 to go) we shall see........... and if jonesy has gone and got married without a proper wedding then he is c*nt, some of us have never been to a wedding let alone a stag do!!! 
5/2/2002 15:01 GMT  Mr Butlins H Camp
EFM Summer Do - weekend of Friday 26th July, Chas'n'Dave at the Worthing Pavillion, scene of Sniifer Thorns greatest crime. Bring Booze, drugs, we'll get the sex there for a weekend of Rock'nRoll excess!. Don't worrry if your not a fan of the two hairy geezers history shows that we don't actually spend too long in the actual concert. 
4/2/2002 20:59 GMT  Elvis Hitler
If this is true, we shall have to backdate the stag weekend. 
4/2/2002 12:12 GMT  Mickey Mouse
News reaches me that Jonesy and his missus tied the knot in secret while on holiday in Ferteventura. Congratulations to the happy couple. 
4/2/2002 01:15 GMT  Mike Berry (Harpenden Arms)
OK, not exactly a goalfest after all. Good performance by both teams - must be the first game in the second division that didn't end in fisticuffs!  
3/2/2002 03:26 GMT  a friend
just like to give my surport to my good mate John "Shallow Hal" Sherwood you'll win tomorrow  
3/2/2002 03:26 GMT  a friend
just like to give my surport to my good mate John "Shallow Hal" Sherwood you'll win tomorrow  
2/2/2002 15:39 GMT  the three bears
Will goldie locks stop sitting in our chairs, stop eating our porridge,stop sleeping in our beds and stop slandering john"the gaffer" Sherwood on this page. we all know you visit the fat birds after the gaffer! 
2/2/2002 15:21 GMT  gaffer
to all the fat birds who keep bombarding me with love mail on this site, i am going to broaden my horizons and attempt to find some nice slim girls. i am sorry to disapoint but for the time being i am off the menu. 
1/2/2002 00:08 GMT  The One Remaining Fat Lady Off The Telly
I may be old, but I'm still a goer. Remind the so-called "Gaffer" that I'm available every Friday afternoon. Tell him to bring a snorkel. 
31/1/2002 21:10 GMT  Ms Petula Fat Bird
I would very much like to strip Mr Sherwood of his assets. Word around the fat birds coffee morning circle of St. Albans is that hes easy. 
28/1/2002 20:50 GMT  yido
put me in for sunday gaffer, i think im gonna have to pull a sicky. (up front will do nicely) 
28/1/2002 17:22 GMT  lee page
your right there sniffer. I will give you a full 90 mis. 
27/1/2002 20:45 GMT  Sniffer Thorns
At least i may not get subbed at half time for saints supporters 
26/1/2002 19:10 GMT  Pol Pot
I've taken the liberty of removing Lee Page's open invitation for EFM players to join Saints Supporters - though I'm tempted to send along Sniffer Thorns to remind him that we're not the sort of people who like being p*ssed about! 
26/1/2002 18:52 GMT  Pol Pot
Has Lee Page taken a new career in asset stripping? I think we should be told. It's City who can't give their players a team at the moment, not EFM, or have Saints Supporters' numbers dwindled to such numbers that they've taken to tapping up the worst Sunday league team in living memory? I'll assume, Lee, that you're having trouble raising 11 players again. Otherwise, should our players wish to join you, I'm sure they'll find a way of contacting you without you hawking mobile phone numbers on here like a rancid old prostitute in a telephone box.  
26/1/2002 18:33 GMT  greg hester
any chance i could run the line for you boys ? 
26/1/2002 15:22 GMT  gaffer
having inspected the pitch this morning i can only see victory for EFM tomorrow. any bitter saints supporters who want to see how a well disciplined team puts the opposition to the sword can come and watch an EFM masterclass. 
26/1/2002 12:59 GMT  ali
it iz wid deepest respect dat i contact ya guestbook. me finks dat jon iz a real winner when a fat lass iz about. iz only hope dat he can get iz team to play in de back door like he duz.  
26/1/2002 02:46 GMT  John Terry
Even though I spend most on pitch time asleep (especially when my mate Iverson is about) and most of off pitch time in the cells. I would like to take this chance to offer my best wishes to you John, a true blue. May God go with you trying to manage the unmanagable pile of s**t. By the way I'm available for Sunday. 
25/1/2002 10:32 GMT  A concerened team member
I understand John's ferreting skills are deserting him and he is on a run of poor form. He is even failing at the 'Pull a Pig' competitions. Do we want this loser running our team? 
23/1/2002 23:55 GMT  A Saints Supporter
Can John "The Ferret" Sherwood turn it around? If "it" is a fat lass in the Adds on a Saturday night he's your man. 
23/1/2002 12:52 GMT  the Gaffer
I expect everyone at training on friday & saturday night,starting at the beehive and visiting as many drinking holes from then. Extra training is available in London on Sat night if anyone is interested. Breath tests will be held on Sun morning Red and orange lights only please.  
22/1/2002 18:59 GMT  Mike Berry (Harpenden Arms)
Rest assured EFM - we'll be putting out our top squad too! We're looking for a goalfest after our recent poor run. 
18/1/2002 10:10 GMT  Sir Bernard Manning
Some advice for our Gaffer Sherwood, don't end up in the embarrassing predicament of George rub-a-dub-W, if when munching on rug, something gets stuck in the back of your throat, STOP! turn Sky Sports off and kick the bitch out of bed.  
16/1/2002 19:53 GMT  Marvin From The Beehive
Millwall's not on the list. Rats. I was really looking forward to spending the rest of the season watching Colin doing his Chas & Dave Cockney impersonation in front of the genuine articles and getting an axe through his head. Every week. Real cockneys eat kebabs, not pie & mash. They take heroin, rather than drinking real ale, and they listen to speed garage, not bloody Chas & Dave! 
16/1/2002 19:24 GMT  John Mitchell
Must be going well Jon if you have time to spend in a iternet cafe. PS We forgot Millwall on the poll PPPS see news for tonights demonsration 
16/1/2002 15:04 GMT  john "the gaffer"sherwood
my scouting trip to Lanzarote is going well, i have spotted some very promising players, unfortunately they play female handball. you're all c**ts. see you soon arseholes 
15/1/2002 19:08 GMT  Monkey Boy
Sounds like fighting talk, Barks... I'll be happy to wager a score that you won't score more than 6 this season (and I'll even throw in the splemdid goal you've already managed) - 1 down, 5 to go! 
15/1/2002 14:19 GMT  yido
A very well done to you as well Mr.Thorns. Dont worry, you can have the first two of the hat-trick i shall be scoring next game. I think a little wager is in order monkey boy, the teams total so far is six, i bet i can surpass that total by the end of the season, name your price. I would also like to report that Bin fadhel will no longer be able to pull on the famous EFM shirt as he has been summound back to his mother land by 14th cousin Bin Laden to fight for the cause. Firstly he will be making the short trip to Luton to unite with his countrymen before flying out to Afghanistan. good luck Bin Fadhel. 
15/1/2002 13:11 GMT  monkey boy
Thank you very much for your help , Sniffer.. it only took me 3 hours last night to correct your grammar and spelling! Ummm... I finished the team line ups last night, by the way (why were there only four people playing against Blackberry Jacks first time around - surely the league wouldn't let us start withthat few? Btw - i wouldn't hold your breath too long over Barks donating two goals to the Thorns cause... that may take a couple of years (nothing personal, Barks - the same would apply to anybody on this team) 
15/1/2002 12:54 GMT  nick
ooooooh get her!  
15/1/2002 11:35 GMT  Sniffer
Sniffer is sulking as he wrote a lot of the website and deserves all the praise that coming his way. He did half the profiles, all the team line up so far, most the comedy news stories, the tribute to jesus and the sherwood poll. SO THERE!!!! And Barks can play up front as long as he donates at least 2 goals to Thorns! 
14/1/2002 21:57 GMT  barks
congratulations on a quality web site mr.king. i would also like to inform my team mates that i shall be playing up front for the rest of the season to cure our goal scoring problems. 
14/1/2002 17:53 GMT  'silver slipperz' turner
I now have silver boots, does this mean I will have every twat on the opposition wanting to break my ankles? (I won't blame them and I know that won't make any difference to my performance) Any peadophile references about my best man are slanderous, although its probably a good job he never received a copy of 'puppy love' from his beastiality loving friend Ian.  
14/1/2002 07:19 GMT  Cilla Black and White Minstrel Show
Ad the lad spends too much time being a part time Watford supporter and talking on the phone to his imaginary girlfriend in Australia. Yeah mate I got a girlfriend in Russia, bit you don't find me going on about it!!!!! 
14/1/2002 02:44 GMT  Ad-the-Lad
I haven't been to a web site with so much 'not' going 4 it. For a decent football team contact me at above address. 
13/1/2002 21:57 GMT  Chelsea Clinton
Wow! I haven't had so much fun since I caught my dad going at it with that old slapper in the Oval Office! And that was a LOT of fun!!! 
13/1/2002 18:45 GMT  Bagpuss
13/1/2002 18:39 GMT  Former Highway Man Dickie Turpin
I don't know if you know this but I once said Tom Jones had the best voice of his generation. PS this website is great 
13/1/2002 17:34 GMT  TV Chef Rusty Lee
Ha ha ha haaaaaaaarrrrrr!!! Just to let you know that I think this website is great!!! Ha ha haaaaarrrrrrrrrrrr!!! 
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