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Champagne Skies



Again like most of the other Bhoys I dont have that much to say or report on. But lets forget about Mick McArthy's boys for a second and talk about England. What a fcuking result against one of the best teams in the world. All the team worked as one and I really feel that Argentina could have no complaints as England played the better football and deserved the victory. Lets hope they can see us into the next round with a win against Nigeria.

Presentaion night was absolutley brilliant with Adam B, Clarkey and Damo scooping the awards. A big sorry to Tom for,well you know what. I was an absolute dick head for doing that. All the lads ended the night in Wharehouse and then to McGowans house. Got up at the crack of dawn for the Ireland game, where the paddys turned in a really good performance.

Sunday sesh was an absolute winner with the majority of the Bhoys out. Tom really was bumming Gareth Gates and I was sporting my really gay tee-shirt. All the Bhoys scraped to visage where the night ended in contraversy. Me and Tom were on the Dance floor, when suddenly I got pinched on the arse, realising the possibility of scrapings I quickley turned round and saw a couple of lads sporting very tight tee-shirts with no sleeves. I looked them in the eye and one of them blew me a kiss. Quickley me and Tom decided to dance elsewhere but just minutes following one of the shirt lifters started feeling Toms arm. Safe to say Tom lost his head and threatend the gay duo. I decided to go to the toilet when I came back I saw Tom hurling abuse at the sh*t stabbers. I came and gave him some support telling the two lads to fcuking do one. At this point Tom is ranting and raving suddenly I notice a dark skinned man (who I will refer to as Iron Mike) walk out of the shadows. At this stage Iron Mike is heading in my direction gaining speed with each stride. As I look Iron Mike in the eye I am greeted with a nuckle sanger. Following this Iron Mike throws me to the ground and starts to repeatedly kick me in the face with maximum force. Never have I been so petrified in my life as I'm sure Damo and Johnny will tell you. Woke up the next morning with a bloody nose and a cornish pasty of deceatfull emotions.

Wednesday night nothing much happened again I'M VERY SORRY TOM!

I'm greeted at the wishing well by the young orfen and a bakers dozen as I leave my blue berry muffins to bake in the oven. At this point fantasy Ireland seems a long way away to captain billy and his men, the cokrell crows and we have reprieve. As we have over stayed our welcome we already know its time to leave. I hate Damo he says I'm bald as a coote, I'd like to propose a toast to *TATTS TRIBUTE* 

5) Well done to Chris Helliwell for the superb organisation of the presentation do. WHAT A NIGHT!

4) The bouncers and that guy with the glasses for doing their best to stop Iron Mike killing me.

3) Two to go, and in at 3 we've got all the staff at the Irish centre for opening all hours 4 the world cup. Cheers!

2) second place Its the super Swede Sven. Masterminding our world cup victory over those Argie bastards.


1) Johnny and Damo for standing by me in my hour of need. If it wasn't for you 2 I dont know what I would have done thanks a bunch lads!



"Jesus was the saviour, Elvis was King but never will we experience powerfull endulgement within our ever remorse suppliment of a heart. That will be the day" (P.O. SPENCER 1215-1999)



CHEERS FOR THE MEMORIES LADS                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        OH YEAH, AND THE THE FOUR TROPHYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   

Yeah I know its been a while but I've had some mad celebrating to do and its just starting to die down well my bank allowance is, but the presentation will be the last celebration for the ic at junior level and I'm sure all the lads will make it a night 2 remember.

Right you've got some catching up to do so here goes.

Not the best performance against Osset but what the hell we did it. I had about nine shots and seemed destined to score but it wasn't to be. Adam Bell scored another screamer with that sledge hammer of a left foot then Geoffrey scored another belter to level things. In fairness we should have beat them by 3 or 4 goals but there keeper was superb throughout. Full Time 1-1

So full steam ahead 2 the I.C where there was the bandit, sandwhiches and nice cold pints of Guiness waiting for us. An absolute quality night for Bhoys ended in Yates's where I was thrown out by some dwarf and his big freind 4 having a bad attitude, DONT ASK I  WAS FWACKED.

The Wednesday sesh stated off in traditional I.C for commitie meeting then quickley down 2 Varsity for some cheap drinking. Witnessed a touch of class from Zidane then apparantley I bumed Cathryn Tyas 4 the rest of the night .More of this story 2 follow.

Saturday night Me and some of my Dolphin pals headed to unknown territory as we ventured to Manchester. All I can say lads is if any of you lot go in the futre bring plenty of brass. All in all though a quality night. Although I had a bit of a nightmare on the train back as i fell asleep and my p*ss head freind forgot to wake me. Next thing I know I'm in leeds with an ugly lesbian and a shepherds pie of emotions. So, got home at 5:30 to my mum shouting "Matthew!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what are you doing falling asleep on the train for Maaaaaaaatttttttttttttthhhhhhhheeeeeeewwwwwwwwww!.

Another Wednesday night sesh. I was a bit of a late starter as I had been serving Tampon + chips for £4.00 an hour. But even so, wednesday nights never dissapoint. Again Varsity was heaving, saw all the Meltham posse and again traditional jokes such as "mines a double" were at a preminum. I was very happy 2 see Clarkey out (amid all the restless dis inchantment he will always find time for the old bromsgrove fever). Vis and Ethos was banging and for those of you who noticed, yes I did scrape her. It took a lot of old fashioned ground work but at the end of everything I was the one on the podium collecting gold while others could only surround there mediocre efforts with 2nd place city.

There have been a fair few talking points since we completed the DOUBLE, DOUBLE here are a few of them.

  • Rommy
  • Alex and Rachael (It was a good innings)
  • Me + Cath Tyas
  • Quinny + Cow girl

Seeing as though my cup final reviews died on its arse, I've decided to make a mends with a new improved refreshing review 

 Meet the Bhoys

Brendan Shannahan

Almost an ever present throughout the two seasons, a great shot stopper as he proved on many occasions. Doesn't like people calling his name and has a phobia of coming out of the six yard box.

Best I.C moment: Performance against Meltham away, even though Quinny got the winner its was Bren who won us the game.   

A great lad, and is always up 4 a bit of light hearted banter. One of the St Patricks contingent and member of the original gang. Slightly strange dress sense and has a tendencie of making new freinds (Rember Peterbourgh).

Brendans True Love: Justine Booth, Bren and justine are now joined at the hip and after alot of ground work Bren got his girl well, done lad.


Bobby Helliwell

Has played at right wing back since we started and has always been a regular. Bobby would consider himself to be better going forward than defending but does each job superbly. On a sunday afternoon your likely to hear bobby saying "look down the right".

Best I.C moment: Well his goal against worst Bupa league team ever thornes is a close runner but his performance against hepworth this season when we drew at their place 2-2 did it for me. A real dominant performance from Helliwell junior.

One of my oldest freinds this lad. Always the head of all the jokes that go around the changing room. This lad is the most laid back person I've ever met. When all the lads were sh*ting it before the cup final Bobby was talking about playing with his stitching.

Bobby's True Love: Well its a close one there been quite a few contenders Chedinger, Big girl even Maria Priano but the gong has 2 go 2 Laura Branston. True love would be an under statement as these two bum each other. Bobby is a very lucky lad as I'm sure all the lads will agree that she is the ideal girlfreind, if you know what I mean.    


Phil Mann

Probably a tie with Alex for the most skillfull player in the league, this lad is class. Although he plays at left wing back he is a very accomplished centre midfielder. Always has confidence in his ability and can open up a defence with a touch of genius.

Best I.C moment: When Damo got injured in the 1st cup final we were left in a bit of a pickle we could either play me who is not a very experienced centre back or Donal who is not very experieced. But when Phil Mann was told to play at the back with Keady and Quinny everyone was a little suprised. In the end this turned out to be another masterstroke by Chris as Phil put in a brilliant performance and kept their danger man Dean Sykes very quiet.

Although didn't go to school with any of us he still remains a really good freind with us all. Aparently according to McGowan he has a very good looking sister, so if your reading this Phil make sure she gets an invite 2 the presentation do.

Phils True Love: Again didn't go 2 school with Phil so I'm working on limited resources. Apparently according to Quinny he was scrapping some lass called Kary who is in my Maths class at college, GO WAN PHIL WIT DORIS!


Chris Keady

My best player through the two seasons speaks for itself, you can count the amount of bad games this guy has had. A real dominating pressence and he really gives all the Bhoys a huge lift when we play, critisises the midfield a bit 2 much 4 my liking though. This guy is without doubt the best defender in the Bupa league.


Best I.C moment: I dont think anyone will ever forget that unberlivable performance the big man turned in against Osset Town last year in the cup final. Although everone played their part Keady was rock solid and made so many last ditch takles to win us the cup.

Like Bobby one of my oldest freinds who ive known since I was 4 years old. This guy is Mr sensative in the camp and is an easy target for such jokers like Bobby + McGowan. A real likeable chap who I will always remember. 

Keadys True Love: Joanna Bell, these two have been 2gether since year eleven and they both found each other in Poland the gong goes to miss bell but I think he's still got a soft spot 4 Joanne Fawcett.  


Damien Wood

Vital to the team, when Damo got injured and we had to do without him for those few games it really showed how we depend on him. What I like about Damo is he will never give a player time on the ball where as Keady likes to drop off Damo is more hands on and will never let the striker settle. An absolute BAST*RD to play against, and a real contender for player of the year.

 Damo pictured second from left with some drunken louts

Best I.C moment: Well i'm in a split decision over the two cup finals. Its either the display at left back in the replay or his spaz attack when he got injured in the 1st. Only joking mate you were outstanding in the second game and you saved our arses more than once, also kept Melthams best player Matthews out of the game.

A sound guy off the pitch even if he does get an awfull lot of stick off all the lads. Have to say though when there is a rumour going round about this lad chances are it has been over exagerated by either McGowan or Bobby. A real gem of a lad and I hope me and him never lose touch. SERIOUSLY.

Damo's True Love: Some might argue that Keady's doris joanna has a strong case but i'm going to go 4 an outsider Joanne senior is Damien Wood's true love actually she is half of the team's true love aswell.


Paul Quinn

An exellent partner for Keady and Damo to work with, but I know he would trade it all for one more game in the heart of the midfield with me. Quinny is the mr motivator of the team and you will never hear him stop shouting even when were pis*ing it. This lad certainly has got some ability about him. Superb in the tackle, lovely passer of the ball and also a deadly right foot. A class act all around the pitch.

Best I.C moment: fifteen minutes to go and were trailing 2-1 in the cup final to our biggest rivals Meltham. Alex picks up the ball on the edge of the area. He hits a visious shot low to the keepers left, the shot is parried the ball breaks to Adam Bell but suddenly he's crudley hacked down by a defender. The ref points to the spot. Up steps Paul Quinn, its him against Philpot to draw the I.C level, can he do it.......................................................................COURSE HE FCUKING CAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Bottom left no chance for the keeper and Quinny has saved our arses. 

Although me and Quinn argue constanly on the pitch were best of chums of it. Me and Paul have had some terrific nights out in the past (remember what I caught you doing in lepton) and when ever everone else cant be arsed I'll know Quinny will never let me down. Another lad Ive known for nearly fifteen years a real dimond geezer.

Quinny's True Love: The lad has had alot, Mel is a close runner but for me there is only one winner and thats Thomas Guibini. These two are inseperable.


Donal Buggy

Solid defender who hasn't been a regular through the two years because of the splendid form of Keady, Quinny and Damo. Never the less the Melonhead is a great replacement and would get in any other Bupa league team.

 Donal in Tenerife 2k

Best I.C moment: His great performance against Linthwaite this season where he marked there big striker out of the game. Donal turned in a MOTM performance that day.

Donal has got a really big head, but despite this he is a sound lad and is really fun to be with. Very good at making freinds with girls and enjoys staying in for a few drinks with his father. Started with original gang at St Pats but was ignored by Mr Sutcliffe as far as football goes but is not at all bitter.

Donals True Love: The little and large combination between him and Fionna seems to be blossoming very well. But who will ever forget his fling with Clair Procter which resulted in him getting thrown in a huge buddle by the whole P.E group. AH HAPPY DAY'S


Alex Kalinowski

As I made clear earlier this lad posesss some real skill. Full of tricks Alex has a great first touch, superb passing ability and great dribbling skills. When Alex feels like it he can be unstopable but if he's had to many smirnoffs the night before he can sometimes go in and out of games. Very suprised this lad didn't make it as a pro as his ability is second to none, but lucky for the I.C that he was available so big Chris H snapped him up.

Best I.C moment: A real one man show against the scum in the 1st final did it for me. Never have I seen Alex so commited and up for it like that. He was everywhere that day chasing and herasing and he was unlucky not to get a goal. Unfortunatley for him he was unable to play in the second game as he broke his wrist, but we did it for you Al.

Alex often gets alot of abuse off the Bhoys for his femininity, but fcuk me it certainly seems to work with the girls. When this lad is on the visage dance floor its like flies around sh*t. Me and Alex are now great mates and I like this lad alot he's certainly got a bit of character and we need this for the good of the I.C.

Alex's True Love:There have been a few to mention Sarah Hamlet, Rachael Kay but the winner has to go to Joanne Fawcett for tossing you off that time. AS IF YOU TOLD US LOT THAT YOU STUPID DRUNKEN FOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Miles O'Donnell

A regular all last season and has always been there or there abouts in the trio in the midfield. A very creative player with an excellent first toach and has an eye for a goal. The recent form of simon and Alex means miles has had to work extra hard for a starting spot.


Best I.C moment: His performance against Meltham when we came out victorias 4-3. Miles battled to the end during that game and deserves alot of praise for hard work. Him and Simon dominated the midfield that day.

A real sound lad and Ive also had the pleasure of knowing him for over 14 years. Known for his pristine doo and that illoustrias comb that he flicks his fringe up with. Apparently according to Damo Miles is a bit of a big head but I find him a very pleasant lad. Does a really good monkey impression.

Miles's True Love: Well some may feel that Lucy P is a contender and Damo feels Miles himself has a strong case but I'm gonna go for his current girl freind Clare who again is a very charming girl.


Simon Chatten

A great addition to the squad and if not for his injuries would have a good chance of picking up one of the player of the year awards. Simon is indeed a very physical player who is excellnt in the air and tackles like a bulldozer. Always a handfull from set pieces.

Best I.C moment: His MOTM performance against Meltham earlier in the season. Even though he got brought off he was imense that day I lost count of all the headers and tackles he won. A real huge performance by the black man.  

Simon is a very likeable fellow and gets on with everyone in the camp. He also is addicted to games consoles as he has every game going for the playstation two. Also one of his qualities is getting hold of illegall substances, indeed if any of the I.C Bhoys want some wacky backey thay know who to come to.

Simons True Love: A tricky one as Si isnt the brick type. But I do know he holds a candle for Rosanne Joyce as he invited her up to his a few times a couple of months ago.


Cashel McGowan

Featured more last season but is a great replacement for Phil Mann at left wing back. I myself feel that half way through the season cashel should have replaced Phil who was not performing well and Cash himself was in great form. Cashel is technically very gifted as he can use both better than anyone at the club bar Alex.

 Cashel(right) Looking good during a summer trip to Ireland in 2000. Who's that guy with the big Jamaican arse?

Best I.C moment: His wonder strike against Elland (I think) last season when he hit it with his left foot from a really tight angle and flew into the roof of the net. A real peach of a goal.

Like Bobby me and Cashel have remained very good freinds all the way through school and up into college. McGowan the idiot of the I.C and when he plays against Metham go into a fit of rage and kicks anything walking as Freddie Lyunberg and Richard Hanvey will tell you. Always one for a joke, indeed on match day the term "bloody pads" and "Poo" will often be shouted out by McGowan.

Cashels True Love: He still hasn't got over Rachel Routledge and for all the sh*t he give me about Lucy Whalley he was far more in love than I ever was. This girl will always have a place in Cashel's heart.


Tom Guibini

Tom was a late addition to the I.C squad but turned out to be a great signing for us and really contributed to our title push. Tom is a very competitve player and isn't afraid to mix things in there despite is very small frame. He is also very accomplished on the ball and can create an opening in a second. I myself feel Tom should have been used alot more often than he was because his form towards the end of the season was superb.

Tom with the Doris (Sorry Quinny)


Best I.C moment: Although his nutmeg on Shane Kelly in the final was legendary, his goal against Fairbank just did it for me. Cut inside on the left and let fly into top  corner of the net fom 20 plus yards out and the celebration nearly got me him and Quinny shot. A real dream goal.

Tom is one of the funniest guys in the I.C camp, always looks stoned. its safe to say that this lad has no shame because he'll go up to some random girl in college and ask her if she want the bash. A real sound lad and we all love him to bits.

Toms True Love: Rebbeca Pears whoever she is.


Tom Davies

Like Guibini Tommy D was not a member of last years team but made a real impact when selected this season. Tom is a real commited player and certainly brings his aggresive rugby style to the football field with his bone crunching challenges. Tom is also a very accomplished footballer his pace, control and great technique have always been evident when playing for the I.C.

 Tom with McGowan during that superb week in Tenerife

Best I.C moment: When he came on in the first final against Meltham he showed everyone watching what he could do. He was put on the right wing and rolled back the years to when we were at St Pats with some of those old penertrating runs through the midfield, put in a great cross that almost resulted in Alex scoring.

Tom was the stud of St Pats wooing girls with his cool geled hair and his shiny Reebok pumps that all the lads envied. Tom remains a great freind of all the lads even if he did leave college to persue a career working for YAS FATHER.

Toms True Love: Tom has had some serious relationship most recent Nina and Lucy but Toms one and only will always be his first love Jessica Biggin. Rumour has it that he got four up her during San Gam.  


John-Paul Kitterick

Johnny and Adam formed a real deadly partnership in the first season, but Johnny fell out of favour during the second and Clarkey replaced him. None the less everyone at the club will tell you that old tangerine balls is a very talented individual and when Johnny is in the mood can hurt a defence with either a killer pass or a bit of individual brilliance.

 The wall clashes with his hair

Best I.C moment: Osset Sporting Boys know all about the threat that Johnny posses. Last season the I.C were 3-0 down with twenty minutes to go and goals from Me, Adam B and Alex had levelled things at 3-3. But this still wasn't good enough as we needed to win to keep our title aspirations alive. With minutes remaining Johnny picked up the ball on the left cut inside jinked past two players and curled a brilliant right foot curling shot past the keeper in off the far post. Johnny had saved us and that goal was the turning point in our season.

One of my best pals and everyones favourite ginger. Johnny is a very popular lad and is very easy to get on with. Likes a drink and can often be found in the the I.C drinking his life away with his passport in his right hand pocket. 

Johnny's True Love: No doubt here it has to be CHARLWEZA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Micheal Clarke

For me the best player in the league and will definatley win the player of the year for the I.C. Adam Bell certainly has good chance but his suspension has given Clarkey a better chance as it was he who carried us in terms of goals when Adam was unavailable. Clarke as got it all electric pace, vision, great first toach and is great when running with ball as he is a nightmare to tackle. Him and Adam have been sensational upfront this year.

 Micheal Clarke = Like an early christmas present, you can sense that mortifying coldrun of radiant texture deemed to be a virtue to those who seek the endless tranquillity.

Best moment for the I.C: Clarkey was our best player over the two cup finals and the meltham defence couldn't handle his speed. Even when he was drafted in at right wing back he did a great job and kept their winger Matthews in his pocket. Almost gained a place in *TATTS TRIBUTE HALL OF FAME* with his goal in extra time but was denied at the death by a late meltham equiliser.

Clarkey and I have been really close for years (yeah right). Indeed my old sparing partner is a sound lad who I have alot of time for. Loves a gel and water do but hates Vis.

Clarkey's True Love: Him and Lucy P gave it go but this recently has finished. I believe Clarkey called this off because he couldn't hide his feelings for Dawn Carson. HEY DONT SHOOT THE MESSENGER!


Adam Bell

The I.C's top scorer through the two years and has scored so many vital goals for us. With out doubt the best finisher in the league, Adam has got pace strength and an absolute cracker of a left foot. If you give this lad half a chance anywhere in or around the penalty area he will punish you. Although he is a good striker he is probably the most hated player in the league.

 His winner against Meltham in the cup final gave Adam a place                                         in *TATTS TRIBUTE HALL OF FAME*

Best I.C moment: The goal that broke Meltham hearts. Adam picked up the ball on the corner of the penalty area and once he let fly you could just see the ball was flying over the Meltham keeper and down into the net. The goal that won us the cup, i will never forget it. ABSOLUTE SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Adam gets a fair bit of stick for his silly attitude on the pitch but when all said and done we dont mean it and he doesn't take it to heart. Adam went to St Josephs primary school but met up with the lads at All Saints where we remained as one. Adam is a real laugh and who will ever forget his little accident in Tenerife.

Adams True Love: Adam has a new admirer as when  I asked her the other week Rosanne insisted he was "fit" ok. But Adams true love has to be the thirty year old who some of the bhoys met in leeds and this is no bull sh*t she it well fit. Adam you lucky fcuker.


Adam Lunn

Lunn is at his best as a striker and this is where he has featured for the I.C. Hasn't been able to hold down a regular place as he has faced strong competition from Clarkey, Adam B and Johnny. But when Lunn has been given his chance he has performed brilliantly, this lad is full of energy and effort.

 Lunn pictured second from the left after the final wistle of last seasons cup final when we beat Osset Town on that magnificent day

Best I.C moment: His performance against Linwaite this year was his best in an I.C shirt as he claimed two assists and a goal for his efforts.

Adam is quiet to say the least. But when he isn't around a big group he seams to come out of his shell and you discover the real Lunn under that mask he wears. A real sound lad who all the Bhoys have a lot of respect for. Also has a very short fuse.

Lunn's True Love: Toms cousin I'm afraid. Yes we all remember that, you little nonce, when you scraped her in. Infact thats not all that happended. According to Cashel he took her up to the girls toilets and peraded her all over the toilets, like a fairy on christmas tree.  


With the warning flag in full view, its time for our lives to bruttally continue, as we wander towards the maximum milestone. My heart is pelouted with the rendition, of my ongoing submission following which I walk the path with total caution. As I confine in her she tells me of the time when she found her husband in bed with a prostitute, hearing this I offer her the comforting words "through wind, through rain you can always count on *TATTS TRIBUTE*"

5) Adam Bell kicks things off with his superb volley that sealed us the title against Meltham

4) lets hear it for McGowan for making an absolute tit of me infront of Cathryn Tyas. Cheers pal.

3) Damien Wood is in at three for lending me a tenner the other week so I could scrape out. Thanks alot mate I'll get it you back this week.

2) Runners up we have the whole Meltham team for being such good sports through the whole two years and for giving us such a difficult couple of games in the final, It really is true, nice guys finish last.

Well done mate, its your first number 1

1) He's had to work really hard but after weeks of trying Micheal Clarke has finally topped the chart. This is for the superb season he's had. After his fairly average first season Clarke has come out all guns blazing and put in some great performances that have gone a long way to us winning the league.



Paper airplanes for egos as we finally cross the dreaded draw bridge of eternity. These false dawns will make us realise our dream of silent despondant leadership. (R.H. KERDSON 1102-1194)



The inevitable has come when me and all the rest of the lads will have to say goodbye to junior football. Its safe to say we've had some great times from our YMCA days all the way through to the I.C. many of the lads Ive been playing with for years, Indeed me and Quinny for many years had been like brothers in our centre midfield partnership which started with YM blossomed during the All Saints years and then fell away during the second game of last season when Chris realised he was the best partner for Keady and Damo in the defence. Sunday is not only the last game for the Bhoys but also the championship decider with just a point giving us a historic DOUBLE, DOUBLE. And I feel very confident we'll do it as we are no strangers to the big games and as we've shown so many times throughout the last two years we cope with the pressure better than any other team.

A bit miffed on Sunday morning when I found out that the game had been called off got up at half eight an all. But on the bright side this allowed me and the gang some extra quality drinking time which we took advantage of in true I.C fashion. Met McGowan, Johnny, Dermot, Alex, Keady and Miles at the I.C I was quickley followed by Damo and within half an hour the whole group were there. We quickley made our way down to Yates's but Me and old tangerine b*llocks got shafted. In the end I blagged my way past the bouncer but Johnny had no luck so we headed to Varsity with Dermot and Cashel. Stayed in Varsity for a fair few hours and discovered an old machine in the corner called the itbox. This was the best video game ive ever seen with girls getting their mot end out every time you got a letter right in hang man. The Doris came down later on to join us the line up was Cath Tyas, Joanna B, K, Lucy W and Lucy P. Had the pleasuree of bumping into my true love Mel who im sure everybody now knows. I was certain that i wouldn't go with her, I promised myself that I would't scrape her. So what happens? half an hour later me and her are skidadall on the couch (P.S Keady I owe you £200). Next stop Vis which was quite good with some really tall guys handing out sweets, strippers (sort of) and acrobats. The walk up to town froM Vis was fun I fell about NINE times and Me and Alex started performing cartwheels all the way up chapel hill. Got shafted by the doris having to fund her taxi home and then having nothing for myself. In the end scraped to Johnny's yard with hime funding my taxi home (P.P.S sorry to Norra Kitterick for waking her up).

I languish from the starlight, drained from the emotional send off, I look for my compaion for someone to depend on. The shepherds ego is a burden that the thoughtfull crowd engage themselves upon as the anguish sets in. At this point Timmy cant see waltons lake where we used to laugh and cry. Oh our foolish horseplay was nothing but miere relentless disripute. ITS TIME FOR GLORY! ITS TIME FOR PAIN! ITS TIME FOR................ *TATTS TRIBUTE*     

5) Dont know his name but the manager of Varsity is first in for deciding to put an itbox in his bar. Those machines are the dogs bo*locks.

4) lets give a big shout to Dermot for making all of us laugh in Varsity with those superb forward roles.

3) Norra Kitterick gets the bronze medal this week for being so understanding when I rung her at 3:00 in the morning in a drunken state. AGAIN I'M VERY SORRY! 

2) In second place we have miss Joanna Bell for letting Keady come out on Sunday night and also on Wednesday. Will she be as generous as to let Keady out on Sunday if we win the league we shall wait and see.

This weeks highest new entry is............................

1) My good freind Cashel McGowan. This for being so kind for inviting us all back to his new place on Sunday night for the celebrations GOOD ON YER MATE.


"We can build Bridges to our hearts content, but we will always be left with mortiffying inner make up which leads to the frame work of our unatainable compassions". (SIR F.N RAINSWORTH 1611-1703)

Mi Doris



Well all the celebrations have calmed down for the moment but we expect the same occurance in just under two weeks time when we play Ossett on the last day to hopefully clinch the tittle and for the I.C to claim the DOUBLE, DOUBLE. Well over the last week me and some of the lads were a bit naughty by going out three nights in succession. Well actually the only lads who managed the three nights running were Me + Johnny. Wednesday was a risky one, the night started at I.C where I had planned to watch the Man utd game and then go home, OH HOW WRONG WAS I! In the end Me, Al and Johnny decided to scrape down to Camel , after I got shafted at Vis. Good night some class tunes but a sirvere lack of fanny around the place even so we all got well mashed. I ended up taking the ginger option by staying at Johnny's house and woke up in a pool of vas.

Had to work Thursday night but once I had washed the batter out of my foreskin I was at the fax machine quicker than you can say "CUP WINNERS 2002". Met Alex, Johnny, Cashel, Keady and Guibini in Weatherspoons then scraped over to the Baracuda where the Doris were. Witnessed McGowan giving a bottle of Becks a BJ  plus Johnny and keady drinking a yard of Ale. GOOD SH*T! We all ended up at traditional Acapulco where I recieved mid summer nights scrapings off Sarah Hanley plus Johnny got thrown out. After this we went Meenahs, witnessed Johanna losing her head, Johnny shouting "A big hairy spider" and Rachael K throwing japatis all over the place. Ended up at Alex's with a Doris beside me, and a head full of questions. P.s Rumours aren't true!  

I.C vs Osset SB

A great performance on sunday one of the best during this season as we played very well to beat a team who were a pottentiall danger to our championship bid. Felt all the lads were still on a high from the cup final win during the week but unlike the defeat against Emley last year there were to be no slip ups. The passing was very good especially during the second half where I thought Tom Guibini was superb certainly is in line for a starting place next week, Come on Chris if not for Tom himself do it for Quinny!. Great finishes for all three goals especially Clarkey's third "An autum glaze as the floodgates open, an awsome display of sustained inspiration". F.T 3-0

Visions of the showpiece counter part making his way through a deceitful flok of goldy daffs. A flickering blaze occupies the trenches as we gaze at the rasberry fountains. The imperial snears from the sceptics, As we both remain bewildered, the bystanders remain mute. In All its glory, head held high, give three cheers for..................................*TATTS TRIBUTE*

5) Straight in this week its Guibini. Quinny's favourite Italian put in a remarkable second half performance after Simon came off injured.

4) Alex (AKA Mr Gay U.K) very thoughtfull of him to let us kip at his house on Thursday night.

3) Give it up for Rachael K for sticking up for me when her freinds thought it would be funny to give me the nick name Red Rum. SLAGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

2) Second place we have Admirer of All for being such a funny guy and not at all originall. This one for you

This weeks top of the pops go's 2..............................

1) Bo Bo Selection! its a tie with Me (Tatts) + Orange (Johnny) for being the only one's to carry out the celebrations for a full three days. This is a new record for Johnny who has now been a *TATTS TRIBUTE* winner twice, the first person to do so, we'll have to start calling it Johnny's Tribute.             




"Over indulgance between the sweet melodys and the neanderthal individuals can only lead to the self-assurance knowing that you and your society aren't a burden on the despondent natives". (T.P Grayson 1782-1849)



As if it was ever in doubt! we've done it again Bhoys and its even sweeter this time than on Thursday the 10th May 2001. After two hard games we killed them off and hopefully will have layed all their excuses to rest. Ive got to say thanks to everyone who came to watch, it really gave the lads a lift when we were on the back foot, to hear everyone cheering us on it really made us feel ten feet tall. Well about nine for me because I'm a dwarf. 

The Meltham lads were gracious in defeat and all the Bhoys showed a good level of maturity by not rubbing it in their faces although it was very tempting. Before the game I was given some sort of drink that looked like donkey w*nk to stop me suffering from cramp this proved to have disasterous concequences as you will learn. First half I thought they had the better of. They were winning most of the lose balls in the midfield and we really struggled to get into a rythm. Johhny took his goal well after getting elbowed by some dip sh*t a cool finish and it really made his day scoring against the team he loves to hate. Second half we were much better as they seemed to be running out of steam we picked up the pace and took control with Clarke coming close only to have his shot cleared off the line and yours trully hit the bar with a stooping header stiil Damo was on hand to make a balls up on the rebound. Well, itseemed as though it was heading for extra time and while I was playing with my stitching trying to decide which way I was going to put my penalty Adam Bell decided to win us the the game with a lovely strike, which was nice of him. This sparked wild celebrations with Adam totally losing the plot and running onto the bowling green behing the changing rooms. About half a dozen o.a.p's sh*t themselves when they saw a slightly possessed teenager running towards them.



Well Zeneca (or Syngenta as it is now known as) cleaning staff must dread the day the I.C play a cup final, because the changing rooms were not a preety sight. I think the Carling was still dripping off the ceiling from last year when we came in. This year the lads splashed out with CHAMPAGNE and most off the ceiling was soaked in this at the end of the evening. hence the expression "Champagne Skies"

All back to the I.C to a hero's welcome from Margaret and co, after a few pints of guiness and some mixed brew out of the cup my bowels were a bit worse for wear and I found myself making multiple journeys to the I.C toilets where I bumped into simon who was on the phone to his dealer. As I passed the Gaffer coming back from the bogs he informed me that the donkey's sperm that I had drunk hours previous might give me a troubled stomach, "NO SH*T SHERLOCK". Despite this I didn't let it spoil my fun, when we'd all had enough of the Irish centre we made our way down to Yates. sporting the shirts and tie look we all felt quite important so we decided to splash out on two buckets of champagne and several cigars, Indeed mine took me 45 minutes to finish. Dermot was in good form paying tribute to various Irish folk singer and Lunn looked lost, had the pleasure of meeting Donals bird Fiona (AKA Jimmy Crankey). Witnessed the Yates toilets for the first time which were very nice but there was a nasty stench in the air after I'd finished with them. After Yates we made our way to the Warehouse where we had the pleasure of meeting two bouncers who I reckon were Meltham fans, after all they wear the same coulors. Even though we got shafted we all witnessed Adam Bell parading Rosane which was nice. So this meant we made the trip to Visage and Ethos nightclub ON A TUESDAY NIGHT? this is un heard of! but to our suprise it was quite busy indeed the queue was huge and I couldn't get to the toilets quick enough. By this point I was sh*ting blood but i wasn't going to bottle the night I'm a survivor. Safe to say we were the youngest in Vis and had the palest skin coulor out of everyone in Ethos. I ended up at Miles's house with a big headache and heart full of subdued optimism,

St Georges Day 2002  WHAT A DAY!      

The earth shakes as the crave for glory beckons with revelations suiting the higher class. A mid summer rendevous with patience being a virtue to those who recognise the maximum penalty! The easy option makes way for the infamous garland of birds. "May I pass" she asked "of course" I reply as I wander through the paranioa's institute, IT'S HEAR! IT'S BACK! ITS..............................*TATTS TRIBUTE* 

5) Clarke is first up for turning in another stunning performance playing in his favourite right wing postition. I just like to add that this man has been brilliant all season and when the players player of the year comes around he will definatley recieve my vote. The best player in the league.

4) Unfortunatley he couldn't play in the replay but Alex deserves a mention with a great performance in the first game, and also for showing great commitment to the team by trying to rip his pot off just so he could play.  

3) Shane Kelly for being born.

2) Runner up we have Chris Helliwell. This guy is an absolute legend in the lads hearts and is the main reason for all our success over the last two years. All thats left now is the league so lets win our last three games for Chris.

CONGRATUALTIONS TO....................................

1) ADAM BELL the leagues best marksman did again for us and we owe him alot. Although he gets alot of stick he works his boll*cks off up there and scores some absolute screamers. Tuesdays winner also means Adam Bell is the first of the Bhoys to gain a place in


  • Adam Bell for scoring the winning goal in the Hudderfield under 18's junior cup final for the Huddersfield Irish Centre against Meltham.




"Leaving darkness can be vital  in the bionic footsteps between restless on lookers, mounting exhibitionists and the sheer tranquility of the cattle in the field" (M.L GRANSWORTH 1244-1323)



Well nothing much to report on as far as footballing matters go, but this weekend off gave us a chance to have a rest and let our hair down on Saturday night. Infact though it was only me, Damo and Quinn who made the illustrius taxi ride down Chapel hill and then second right to the promised land. Infact I stand corrected we caught the free bus down where we saw Phil Mann who was worse for wear. Infact it was he who started off such chnts like

  • "Who the fcuking hell are Meltham"
  • "I.C,I.C,I.C,I.C,............... I.C...............I.C"
  • And "I.C till I die"

Not much to report on as far scrapings go, alough Quinn had a brick conversation with Mel while me and Damo were abusing some random Doris. Meanwhile as this was going on Johnny was giving some barmaid ten of the best indeed he was quoted as saying "she had the biggest set of smokey Joes I've ever seen". Woke up at Damo's Sunday morning and aparantley my mum had the police looking for me, sorry to cashel who she rung about six in the morning.

Went out with Keady and Johnny on Monday for a few drinks but I dropped £20 on the bandit so we all ventured down to warehouse where we bumped into half the cast of Grange Hill SERIOUSLEY. One of them was an absolute Dwarf who thought he was well cool and one of them pulled a right bird who I fell in love with.

A cloud of wondering dogs, simmer simmer as the tention creaps in through the mystery corridoor. Go long! Go long! is the shout as I drink my bottle of......................... COKE. Rapture stems upwards as the onlookers contribute, SO THROW YOUR HANDBAG DOWN, STAND UP STRAIGHT IT'S *TATTS TRIBUTE*   

5) Straight in here its Quinny for sorting out his problems with Mel and ending the feud well done lad   

4) Bruce Dyer for scoring the winner for Barnsley and pulling them out of the relegation zone

3) Its The Gaffer for sorting ou some training for the Bhoys before the big cup final

2) Runner up this week was Damo for letting me kip at his on Saturady night. hard look mate

Well he's threatend to do it in previous weeks, but now he's fully stamped his mark on the *TATTS TRIBUTE* top five

1) Its Johnny! last week he was in the chart for becoming an uncle now he's threatening to become a dad this would result in him gaining a place in *TATTS TRIBUTE* HALL OF FAME. The way this can be achieved is If some one either 

  1. Becomes a father
  2. Scrapes Stephaine Helliwell
  3. Scores the winner in the cup final   


"Weeks of commited ground work will exceed the limits of rendition towards the flock of strangers we assosiate with throughout this christmas pudding of a planet" (DR R.H STOCKWORTH 1371-1456)




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