| 8/3/2002 16:00 GMT |
Mr G Spooner Esq |
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| Openshaw, If you have any days off next Tues, Wed or Thur, we are are watching the Cheltenham Festival in the pub. If you fancy it the offer is there. |
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| 8/3/2002 14:24 GMT |
Department of Fair Trading |
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| We understand that whilst your club CD has been a massive hit, the quality of the recording is somewhat inferior. Comments from messers Wright and James, would lead us to believe this is to do with the recording being done on computer and non-compatibility with older CD player. To give everyone a fair opportunity to play the CD, having stumped up £3 we are investigating the possibility of re-formatted CD's. We look forward to any comments the club may have... |
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| 6/3/2002 20:38 GMT |
sexy |
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| has jono openshaw got a girlfriend? coz a big boy like him needs some serious loving! |
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| 5/3/2002 23:53 GMT |
milks |
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| i've e-mailed it to you jono... |
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| 5/3/2002 19:31 GMT |
jono |
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| what is little Matt's email address? |
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| 5/3/2002 18:33 GMT |
Curious (ity killed the cat) |
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| And was MRG's second against Henley a volley?? I think not personally. Jono and Fatboy pull your finger's out for the Man of the Match interviews. MRG and Shermanator to be done (milky you don't deserve one as was a sympathy vote) |
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| 5/3/2002 17:05 GMT |
Curious (bi) |
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| Was MRG's second goal against henley (re: GOTM Comp) really as far out as six yards, it looked a lot closer. He is getting rather good at the two yard tap in (more like from two inches against campden). Its great to see the rev playing total football ala the dutch of the 1970's and sharing the goals around as well. Just think how we will urinate all over alcester massive and their ageing defensive on a decent pitch in the final. Viva la revolution |
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| 4/3/2002 20:39 GMT |
our man in milan |
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| i'm back!! just flown in from milan, and boy are my arms tired. what a weekend i've had, though i was gutted to have missed the semi-final victory....what a result..congrats to all those involved. hopefully i'm elegible for the final! san siro was f*cking immense, the game was great, weather was sh1te and the women, ooooh , the women - some of the boys would have tried wading for fun! see you on weds...milkio |
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| 4/3/2002 20:37 GMT |
Serious club shop - Jono |
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| I've been scouring the internet for various 'revolution' merchandise - have found many ideas - need to run them past Trapper. I'll keep you posted! P.s. cheers big fan, would offer to buy you a drink but how big actually are you? |
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| 4/3/2002 19:24 GMT |
peter file |
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| When will the plastic clit flickers be available in the club shop, as modelled by Lythall |
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| 4/3/2002 13:02 GMT |
A big fan |
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| Judging by the various remarks and comments made since Saturday, I think people should remember we are in the final. J dubyaa miss made no difference to the score and to be fair he had a great game. Let's not go over players mistakes - we've all made them this season- lets just beat the Alcester massive in the final! |
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| 3/3/2002 21:28 GMT |
Eric Hall |
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| Just to confirm to the supporters that my client Jono Wright is currently in a contractual dispute with his wrist band sponsor Lacoste, hence why he hasn't been wearing his wrist band, he shall continue to wear his famous wrist band in future games, although with the Lacoste logo blacked out until a new sponsor can be found (Hi-tech and Gola are believed to leading the chase). Rumours that Jono has signed a lucrative deal with Pizza Hut following his penalty miss are completely unfounded. |
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| 3/3/2002 18:28 GMT |
Club Shop |
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| New stock just in - Jono Openshaw 'Mister Glass' plaster casts, Matt Ryan Gill action figures - complete with designer clothes, designer trainers and extra large toe to poke in the goals. Also available a variety of books 'Positive comments in the workplace' - John Ryan Gill and 'Why I left the Revolution and other mistakes' Stuart Eades, 'We are the Champions' James Bishton, 'Life with a big hand' - Harry Jolly. |
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| 3/3/2002 17:07 GMT |
The Eadesmeister |
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| Congratulations boys, our football this season merits a final! could you do me a favour? if my silver tongue does not get me in the squad for the final could one of you gents do a little something me? either a) Nail that f****ing idiot dripple from alcester lions or b) give that other inbred badsey player that broke Trappers leg a slap? i hope this is not too much to ask. ill see you all at the final from the pitch or in the stands! p.s. could someone not let MRG score again the automatic doors at Virgin can no longer accomodate his head! p.p.s. speaking of big heads has anybody come close to challenging my wonder volley from the Quinton game? i look forward to my award. |
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| 3/3/2002 00:19 GMT |
Ilmington Revolution Fan |
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| Has Jono Wright stopped wearing "red wrist bands", as I notice the club shop is currently out of stock. Also, I've been looking to buy some Daz Betts "eye-brow tape" along with Matt Petty "white boots"... When will they be in stock?? Any more merchandise to be delivered shortly? |
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| 2/3/2002 19:16 GMT |
Trapper |
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| Well done today lads, great result! Let's make sure of the trophy at Mason's Road, it would be a remarkable achievement. As for the comments lads, lets all take the rough with the smooth. I know it's frustrating watching from the sidelines... I have done for the past 3 months. It's just a shame I can't use all the subs every week... I tried it last time v Alcester at 4-2 and we drew 4 all, so I thought I'd keep it tight with everyone playing well! Let's win it now! |
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| 2/3/2002 18:40 GMT |
Lythall |
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| I'm a bit put out by some accusations that i am a negative supporter or sarcastic even. There was some banter from the sidelines during the game today, 99% of it encouraging. I am particularly put out by some comments that were attributed to me and actually said by others. I take my fair share of p*ss taking from everyone, so naturally those that dish it out can expect to recieve some back. Jono i'm sorry if my light hearted banter caused you offence i was just trying to make sure you didn't dwell on missing the pen too much as you were having a cracking game. |
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| 2/3/2002 12:20 GMT |
jono openshaw |
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| Press release: "i'd like to confirm to all players, members and fans alike that; due to a most unfortuous clash during the 2-1 defeat, i have incurred a spiral fracture to the 3rd metacarple of the left hand and shall be in plaster for another 2 weeks at least. After advice from a certain Mr Paul Mardon to request a lightweight fibreglass plaster (or pot, as all people from Yorkshire refer to it as), the NHS laughed at and apllied several coats of plaster tripling the circumferance of my lower limb, and increasing it's weight tenfold, so i can hardly get it up." |
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| 27/2/2002 21:20 GMT |
interested |
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| hello trapper! could you tell me what has happened to jono? |
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| 27/2/2002 21:13 GMT |
Trapper |
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| Stu was made the offer of getting paid £60 a game for representing Willenhall. Contract negotiations broke down with Ilmington, when we realised we could barely afford a first-aid kit let alone these wages. Sadly, he moved on from the club, however has pledged his availability to Revolution if Willenhall don't have a fixture. As you may know, Willenhall are playing Stratford Town at Mason's Road on Saturday and with the Rev's match in doubt due to the weather "Eadesy" could be in for some Banter (not Gaz) from the terraces... Get yourself down there and speak to him in person! |
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| 27/2/2002 17:59 GMT |
Ilmington Revolution supporters club |
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| Could the Boss man answer the following queston? when is the Stuart Eades judas interview being released on the website? we deserve an explanation!! |
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| 26/2/2002 16:47 GMT |
Minjeeta |
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| Suzanne, can he use the back door instead if the decorators are in? |
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| 25/2/2002 09:46 GMT |
Ron Atkinson |
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| Well for me Clive, the big lad Openshaw has always been good at kicking back doors in. |
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| 22/2/2002 20:00 GMT |
James |
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| good site, well impressed. How do you put pics on the site coz when i try, it says file is too big. let me know if pos, cheers. best of british for the remainder of season. james , intheteam.com/cassiorangersu15 |
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| 21/2/2002 22:36 GMT |
suzanne |
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| he dosnt need an invite my doors always open for him lol front door for all those dirty minded ppl suzanne xx |
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| 21/2/2002 18:19 GMT |
Lorraine |
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| Of course the turk is invited!! we dont want him to b sulking in the corner now do we haha! |
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| 21/2/2002 17:10 GMT |
Mirken Ilky |
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| Hello to Revolution. I am Mirken an Estonian International football player. I want to play league football in Britain and Revolution are the best!! I play forward and have scored lots of goals this season. |
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| 21/2/2002 10:54 GMT |
Tor Morley (WVLFC) |
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| Hey! thanks for visiting our site, was impressed with yours, take care and best of luck for the future seasons! Tor |
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| 21/2/2002 09:34 GMT |
Trapper |
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| Ladies, does this mean the Turk is not invited... I'm sure he'd be most upset! |
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| 20/2/2002 21:43 GMT |
Lorraine |
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| oh what about our long lost friend Milky!? and bring Trapper...any good?? i think that is all!! |
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| 20/2/2002 21:36 GMT |
suzanne |
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| jon openshaw might b a good shout lol |
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| 20/2/2002 19:32 GMT |
Lorraine |
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| hmm let me see, bring everyone! |
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| 20/2/2002 15:20 GMT |
anon |
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| who played on saturday? |
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| 20/2/2002 11:34 GMT |
Trapper |
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| Not guilty Bish, my messages were in the name of Zanza and Jonny Bravo.... In the words of Baz Ganter... Any Fcukin' good!!! |
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| 20/2/2002 09:39 GMT |
Bish |
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| Sorry i havent been on the website for a while. (fu*k knows who put that cr*p on 3 messages ago, I was abroad wading for fun, it was probably Trapper). Hope everybody is well especially our Scottish supporters branch (S&L), I cant come to see you though if i dont know where you live ? Also which Revolution player should I bring with me, or shall I come alone ? |
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| 20/2/2002 00:39 GMT |
suzanne |
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| you shouldn't wait too long tho u might miss the boat mate lol suz xx |
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| 19/2/2002 18:38 GMT |
Lorraine |
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| oi bish nice of u to join us!! haha!! how you?? so when u coming down to me and suz?! we are waiting oh so very patiently!! anyway im off Love Lorraine xXx trapper..any good?? |
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| 19/2/2002 12:09 GMT |
Bish |
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| Sorry for not replying ladies, but I have been ever so busy as you could probably tell. I'm not the sought of person who goes in feet first. I normally let my friends do all the hard work and then just step in and take over. |
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| 19/2/2002 10:54 GMT |
suzanne |
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| thanx for taking the time to reply u could fast become my favourite player (xcept from jon-sel coz he's the love-god *yawn* lol) if your trying to make us more interest by playing hard to get and being all elusive its not working you know what they say out of sight out of mind lol suzanne xxx |
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| 18/2/2002 13:49 GMT |
Zanza |
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| A message to Lorraine and Suzanne, I must appologise for Bish's delay in response. However, this is due to the fact he is a 24/7 wading machine and is in unstoppable form. I'm sure he'll leave a message shortly, but he's trying to spread himself around at present... Any good?? |
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| 18/2/2002 13:30 GMT |
Jonny Bravo |
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| I feel it's time, with the recent addition to the squad of Stuart Guise and Will Sallis, along with Matt Burgin a while ago to nominate some more nick names as we have been lacking recently in this area... Any suggestions, also how about one for Jim Connolly?? |
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| 15/2/2002 18:36 GMT |
Lorraine |
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| yeah suzanne how is bish suppose to know that u have posted a message saying that you are waiting on a message from him, if someone keeps deleting your message saying that u are waiting for a message! if that makes sense haha!! Love Lorraine xxxx |
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| 15/2/2002 09:52 GMT |
suzanne |
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| still waiting for a message from bish, still wondering y u keep on deleting my messages saying im waiting for a messaeg lol suzanne xx |
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| 11/2/2002 15:04 GMT |
Royal Institute of Chartered Zanza's |
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| As the Chairman of the R.I.C.Z. I am delighted to hear of the sterling work being done by fellow Zanza's in the Stratford Area. Reports I have recevied, suggest that the Zanzas in that part of the country are wading for fun, and constanly getting the vibe 24/7, far more than any other Zanza Fellowship at the moment. As Chief Zanza I urge you boys to keep up the good work and keep getting the rrrriiiyyyyddddeeeee! Keep us updated, and carry on wading for fun !!!! Best wishes The Fonz. |
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| 8/2/2002 08:46 GMT |
Concerned |
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| What is this obsession with the size of Openshaws appendage? It is common knowledge that all Leeds fans are enormous pricks. |
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| 7/2/2002 16:44 GMT |
Confused |
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| What does trapper mean when he says of Openshaw "he can put it behind him". For christ sake trapper have you not seen it ? he can put it behind him over his head twice round his waist and still use it as a pole vault |
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| 5/2/2002 11:32 GMT |
Quincy Flabhurst (Eadesy's press relations officer |
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| It has been bought to my attention that a certain Birmingham based player has got himself in trouble in Bishtons porn palace! as we know three rev stars hail from Birmingham. Banner, Eades and Openshaw! Banter wasnt even out so may i suggest that my client Turbo slept on the floor, used the urinal, played fifa 2001, kept his boxers up and behaved impeccably as a leading stratford alliance player should do. i hope this answers alot of questions! |
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| 2/2/2002 09:35 GMT |
MRG |
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| Milks, this is a truely black day. Your match reports will be sorely missed.I don't know who else among the revolution camp who would be capable of taking of taking over your mantle. RIP. |
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| 30/1/2002 09:48 GMT |
John Motson |
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| Milky you can't step down as press officer, that would mean we would be left with just trappers rambling match reports and frankly i have not got the time to read those novels. i think generally you have been doing a great job trying to combine a little humour with the match facts |
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| 24/1/2002 16:52 GMT |
jono |
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| Nice to see all the JRG bashing has stopped. We all need to get together and get the team spirit going instead of bitching about people. Let's look ourselves before we moan about others. Also there will be no room for Judas' at the nite out! I will be searching pockets to see who has 30 pieces of silver tucked away! I won't be looking through Milky's pockets, apparently he has a couple of strategically placed holes!!!! |
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| 22/1/2002 21:08 GMT |
Bish |
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| As we all know we were poor on Saturday, but we must now look forward and put that performance behind us like we did earlier in the season against campden, when we lost 4-0. There is a fine line between winning and losing a football match and if we concentrate on doing the simple things well I'm sure we can beat Spartak on Saturday and go forward from there. The game against Spartak is the biggest game in the club's history so far and would like to see everyone performing as a team, not just 11 individuals playing 100mph footy. Personally I feel we have the makings of being a very good squad as we have great spirit, superb attitude (most of the time) and a young and enhtusiastic team. I feel we need to work the oppositions defence by closing them down and defending from the front. Also when we gain possesion the first thought in our players minds needs to be to get into space and allow us to play a simple pass to feet letting the ball do the work! |
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| 22/1/2002 15:59 GMT |
kirklees ladies fc |
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| oh and a message for jono openshaw! We desperatly need a coach for our team, would you be interested? don't worry we don't bite...well not if you don't want us to! please let us know if you'd consider it and leave a message in our guestbook or email us at kirkleesladiesfc@yahoo.co.uk or visit us at www.intheteam.xom/kirkleesladies thanks |
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| 22/1/2002 11:47 GMT |
Milky |
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| Can anyone possibly translate Turk's litle message for me? I don't speak bollox so I'd be very interested to find out what the little KFC working dude is on about. Interesting information gleaned from Spartak's right back Gary 'Scouse' German this morning tells me that Ben Sutton is currently leading the line, Jamie Davis has apparently 'hung up his boots', Scouse and Richie Humphries are playing as wing backs and Jamie Faulkner won't be playing. May I, on the basis of this info, request that I don't in fact play at left back, instead play at centre half to mark Sutton? |
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| 21/1/2002 23:47 GMT |
Love-God |
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| Boys have no fear, yes the hairy bootied Turk is here!!!! Saturday will be the time to celebrate as I bag some wonderful goals that will remind u all of the legend, bull of the bosphurus Hakan Sukur. Stratford spaspak will have fear quaking through their Gola 1965 football boots and buy one get one free Jockey Matalan underpants, the rev cant be stopped, words cant describe are skilful play and mind blowing tactics!!!! Once Pete "Roger Ramjet" Dawson shows us his old eccentric stanley matthews footie tricks, the spaspak will be astounded at the old mans wise play. As for parkes'y get the man playing, he has had enuff of playing in the WWF as the hurricane and having will "mighty molly" haines at his side, spaspak be afraid be very afraid, the turk is coming and the rev are getting revved up for some hanky panky on the spaspak's feisty mothers, all in a day's work boys, Love-God is outta here |
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| 21/1/2002 21:13 GMT |
Trapper |
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| Lino... You're correct Jolly Boy got the last league goal v Campden, that was my question. Your's was, the last FORWARD to score, which was obviously me, sort it out! As for Banter, he get's easily led when playing against rough inbred twats who play for practically every team in the league (particularly Campden, Badsey and A2000). Thus his total of 2 yellow's and a red, any good. Anyway, it will make my job easier with the amount of forwards to choose from as we saw from his last suspension. By the way next question, what is Lythall's best (only) position?? Answers on a post card... for fun! |
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| 21/1/2002 15:36 GMT |
Trapper |
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| Lino... You find the last forward to score for the Revolution was in fact my good self, with a delicious goal from a Matt Burgin through ball v Alcester 2000 last time round. Unfortunately I was sythed down next game v Badsey, and that's the end of the goal scoring forwards. I don't want to get drawn into comments about the whole team on the website today, but I shall be making my managers notes on Thursday, after the next league meeting. In the mean time gents, I shall say a couple of things positive. We have a great team spirit... Lets not lose that, I'm sure we wont. We're in our first season and still learning, me included (this management larks not that easy) but we all know we have the ability. I am becoming more aware of the teams strengths and weaknesses in every game. Despite drawing 4-4 v Alcester Lions in the first cup game, that was in my opinion our best passing performance of the season. The reason being, we had stability at the back, passed the ball to feet and allowed our very creative midfield to cut through the best team in our division. Hence, Milky was allowed to perform like Sheringham, as the ball was to feet - delightful to watch. I'm not going to pick on anyone individually as I believe tactically, I need to make some changes to enable us to keep possession for longer periods, instead of the 100 mile an hour football we're playing. This must start from the back in defence as the better teams in this division do (e.g. Alcester, Badsey and Quinton) We've lacked this in particularly for the last few games, and I know we've never had a settled central defensive player with Bish or left back. Hopefully a few changes in position and personel including Will Sallis and briefly Ian Parkes, will enable me to get the lads playing "total football" as both players are very comfortable on the ball. I'll talk more on wednesday, but lets not panic, true we played toilet football on Saturday and lost by a close score of 2-1. Thankfully it's not the same as the 4-0 drubbing at Campden, and changes will be made. Roll on March, when I recover from injury, and shall demonstrate the defensive passing from the back "to feet" we're looking for (ha, ha ...). We also need to play to the conditions on our home pitch and use the slope more, by using the top side of the pitch and letting the ball do the work. In the meantime, lets hope Brassy and Shearman do the business on Saturday, and get behind the whole team!!! |
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| 21/1/2002 15:35 GMT |
Dr Steven Hawkings |
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| ...MY EYES ARE VERY IMPORTANT TO ME.... |
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| 21/1/2002 14:24 GMT |
Lythall |
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| I'm sure Dr Steven Hawking has a greater turn of pace then our very own Milk float, although milky probably doesn't dribble quite as much. Quiz question who was the last revolution forward to score???? fcuked if i know |
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| 21/1/2002 11:57 GMT |
an equally upset Milkster |
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| Saturday was abysmal. There is no other word for it. To echo the comments of MiniMatt, we were hideously complacent, and to watch the game from the sidelines was an embarrasement. We were bereft of creativity and I think we managed to muster about 3 chances all game, scoring one (fortuitously) and hitting the post with another. Despite the fact that we were leading 1-0 at half time, the second half was as pitiful a display as I have seen, we were silent, we had no answer to their combativeness and we were content to buckle and let them dominate the game. I was astonished to hear an excuse after the match of "well, we were missing Eadsey".....what??? That is no excuse, we are not missing him because he will not be there again (more than likely) we need to forget about him (sorry Stu, but I'm sure you know what I mean) and concentrate on playing football. When we pass the ball about to feet we can rip through sides, when we try and hoof everything through the middle of the park, we look terrible and offer as much attacking threat as Dr Steven Hawkings. We have the players and more importantly the team spirit and attitude to overcome this hurdle. I for one will be f***ing livid if we play like this again. We may need to alter the team slightly to offer a more creative edge, but I know we can improve on Saturday, we need to believe in ourselves a little more. I for one do not want to hear any more half assed excuses about us missing players, I don't want to see a lack of effort from anyone and I want us to keep F***ing talking for 90 minutes. Banter is not the sole responsibility of the skipper, it's something that all 11 players should be doing, shouting, geeing each other up for the game, before and during. I must be honest, and say that I thought that I was as vocal as anyone on Saturday, and I wasn't even playing. Hopefully Ironside will say his piece on Wednesday night, and we all need to take note and kick each other up our backsides..... |
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| 21/1/2002 08:41 GMT |
"Turbo Boots" |
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| Boys, Boys, Boys! who's upset the pocket Battleship? Whos Upset Psycho? please gents i cannot work in this hostile atmosphere! lets get a good result Saturday and make sure we are in division one next year!! |
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| 20/1/2002 20:59 GMT |
Parksy |
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| alright lads, sorry i missed the game on sat, the bank f****d up! had to sort it all out will be along on wednesday night. parksy. |
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| 20/1/2002 19:21 GMT |
An upset battleship! |
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| Lads, i am compelled to post a comment, to vent my sheer frustration over Saturday's performance vs Alcester 2000. Surely, following the debacle vs Campden Reserves earlier in the season (0-4)we did not need another reminder on underestimating our opponents!! I'm sure it is evident to all Rev players and followers alike that our current League position owes a lot to the turbo booted Stuart Eades, and despite his influential performances and goals we still have a minus goal difference. We all know that league positioning counts for nothing at this level, and on the day any team is capable of beating any other. The point i wish to stress is that we simply expected to win on Saturday, the banter wasn't there before the game, and yet again we seemed to be second to most balls. We struggled to assert any control over the game and most of us resorted into retaliation at Alcester's physical approach. The lesson should have been learnt from the Campden display, that we keep our heads and give it 100%!!! I'm sure every Rev player, myself included was guilty of not doing so on Saturday. Anyway i feel a lot better now, and can't wait until Saturday for a chance to right our wrongs. Come on the Rev!! |
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| 16/1/2002 18:31 GMT |
Love-God |
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| ladies and gents yes I am now back doing the doo and getting busy with the fizzy, so lythall that still means u arent my type so try and stay away! I wish the revolution's army of fans would get their facts right, I work as an ali babe lookalike in the sammies grease and go kebab shop in stoke newington, this part time job does give me the chance to perform to herds of animals, various no stranger to the tuck shop bellydancing delight females and hairy men, milky ill be booking you and your teen-wolf back in for a gig in the near future. The Turk will be back soon, just make sure henry "harry jolly" kelly isnt going for brown not gold when accompanying will "bubba sparx" haines in the back of his car, on that greasy note all the best and wish me luck when promoting in the republic of burundi, may the Turk be with you!!!!!!!!!!!111 |
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| 16/1/2002 14:32 GMT |
Hugh Jarss |
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| REVALATION : Self proclaimed Love God and Turkish popstar Jon-Sel has now moved back to London. He claims that he has had to go back to his record company and start promoting his album. This sound extremely suspicious as the one of the Revolution's army of fans spotted him working in KFC in Leicester Square !!! |
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| 15/1/2002 14:28 GMT |
anti active virgins |
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| we know who jono's secret admirer/obsessive fan is! unfortunately we can't reveal their indentity but for information call 07754 668172 |
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| 10/1/2002 12:33 GMT |
Broadford Plant, Saltaire, W. Yorks |
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| Great site Milky. Like the spinning ball on homepage. We'll get there one day (including photos). No roll of honour page for us. 35 years and still no trophies but where not arsed. Just love playing grass roots football. Visit our site at intheteam.com/broadfordplant Cheers, good luck for rest of season. |
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| 10/1/2002 12:33 GMT |
an active virgin!!!!!! |
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| i've just found this website and OH MY GOD how funny r u guys! i am a member of the gym and would neva have guessed that those 3 sensible gym instructors r such dark horses!! u lot r sounding sexier by the second, wouldn't mind meetin openshaw in the shower! luv an active virgin(female)!!!!! |
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| 8/1/2002 15:01 GMT |
Crezza |
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| Thanks Milky! It brought back wonderful memories - I wish I had a jumper like that sported by Steve Robbins. Now, where are those trousers? My Mum assured me that I would grow into them one day. |
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| 8/1/2002 11:35 GMT |
Milky |
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| The photo of Crezza is now available for your viewing pleasure. Please see the Photo Gallery. |
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| 6/1/2002 17:16 GMT |
Phil Campbell (Stuart Eades agent) |
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| With reports in recent weeks suggesting the possible transfer of my client from Mickleton Road, Stuart has asked me to release the following statement. 'following an in depth discussion on Saturday with Jon Ryan-Gill, Rich James and Phil Campbell i have now signed a one year contract with Willenhall Town in the Midland Alliance for a fee to be set by tribunal, i must express my deepest regrets at leaving the theatre of drains but my current contract of £-3 per week could not be adjusted with Jono Openshaw signing a massive £14 per week deal. My time at Ilmington Revolution has been both productive and enjoyable in all aspects i hope the club goes from strength to strength and i wish to turn out for the rev at any possible time i can arrange with the Gaffer and will be there to pick up my goal of the season trophy at the presentation!!! |
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| 3/1/2002 20:30 GMT |
Club Shop |
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| There is a new c.d. shortly available titled 'Rockin the Revolution'. The album compiled by messers Wright and James will feature player related songs. The cd will cost a measly £3 which will all go towards replenishing medical supplies. Obviously if you can think of a wiser way to spend the cash let me know. |
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| 27/12/2001 13:09 GMT |
Ilmington Revolution 'TEAM TALK' |
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| Aston Villa manager John Gregory has tabled a bid for teenager Stuart Eades, in an interview with 'champagne' Charlie Nicholas Gregory said "i watched Stuart's game against Henley and more recently at Badsey and the lad has a good engine and an excellent pair of buttocks" coulg JRG please shed some light on the values of his current squad??? |
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| 21/12/2001 17:07 GMT |
Wiggi Singh (Lalbagh Manager) |
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| Sorry to all of the Revolution players who have contracted the squits following last nights curry. The chef has been dealt with accordingly. |
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| 21/12/2001 14:17 GMT |
Chris Martin (Coldplay) |
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| I am disgusted to hear news that one of you players allegedly posed as me last night in order to cop off with a lass. My sources have notified me that a certain Mr Baz Ganter advised a rather buxom young gal (with a great ass) that indeed he was Chris from Coldplay. He then proceeded to serenade her with the first verse from my hit single 'Yellow', it was apparently only the first verse, because that's all the words he knows. I am also astonished to hear that Baz's friends played along with this charade, it was nearly rumbled when someone tried to claim that one of the group was Max Bygraves Jnr. Indeed, another member of the party in question posed as my bodyguard/minder and insisted on referring to Baz all night as 'Boss'. These tactics are shameful, and should I hear of any further instances of this happening I will be forced to persue legal proceedings. yours sincerely, Chris Martin (PS, she's got a great ass) |
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| 16/12/2001 10:49 GMT |
Santa |
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| Those were not gnomes that you saw but to of my elves. One is a bit to big really now to be an elf, but after all he is my chief mince pie eater. (i had to sack him though as kept ketting stuck in chimmneys) The other smaller pointy headed one i need words with as well, as he keeps missing the target when delivering presents |
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| 15/12/2001 19:54 GMT |
Stratford Garden Centre |
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| Please can you help us? We appear to have lost two of our garden gnomes. They apparently scaled a fence last night and were seen running in the direction of St Mary's Road, Stratford. The larger one has a broken foot and can be found sitting on a picnic chair with a fishing rod and silly hat. The smaller one is bloody quick, so you might not catch him. He has nice shoes and is wearing a pointed woolly hat. If you can help please call us directly. Thanks. |
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| 14/12/2001 13:46 GMT |
will |
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| I think that last aftershock i got you didnt help cos you started dribbling and you could just about stand up. You still managed to polish off another double vodka and redbull and that was the last I saw of you. Maybe you finally managed to convince that bird you was 18 and treated her to a burger and chips from buddies and she kicked you in the knee when you started groping her. |
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| 14/12/2001 09:22 GMT |
The Chubby No6 |
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| If anyone can provide me with any details of what happened last night I'd be most grateful. My knee feels worse than ever and I've just discovered an untouched burger and chips in my microwave. I'd appreciate any phone calls today in an attempt to jog my memory following last night's celebrations (5 whole years since Gav got mown down by that Mini Metro)... |
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| 13/12/2001 19:57 GMT |
Breaking News!!!!! |
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| Combative midfield duo narrowly avoid M1 catastrophe! Influential midfielders Stu (the stallion) Eades and Matt(the girth) R-G were forced to take evasive action on the way to Derby this evening when the car they were driving was forced to break sharply and veer into oncoming traffic after Eades fell asleep at the wheel. A visibly shaken Eades later attributed this fit of exhaustion to too many mazy right wing runs. Fortunatly and heroicly the Battleship took control reacting rapidly using his pocket sized strength to wrestle the wayward vehcle to safety. |
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| 13/12/2001 13:02 GMT |
Ilmington Revolution ClubCall |
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| With some big names missing from this weekends line up (such as Jon Ryan-Gill, Matt Pety, Rich James and Matt Burgin) there could be a recall for some of the patient substitutes. Also in line to feature is new striker James Sherman along with Turkish pop sensation Jon-Sel Gourkan. More news to follow.... |
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| 12/12/2001 22:46 GMT |
Daniel Larusso |
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| I think it's disgraceful that your club have decided to sack Mr Miyagi in favour of that bushy eye-browed toss pot Chris DeBurgh. Miyagi-do is a world renowned healer and karate sensai, where as De Burgh perpetually gets up peoples nostrils by insisting that we listen to bobbins such as Lady in red, A Spaceman came Travelling and Auberge........Au-blooody-berge? what the hell does that mean anyway. tosser....oops sorry, that was Chris Rea. Well he's a tit as well. Anyway, bring back Miyagi - he's worked wonders on Milky. Having finally realised what half of the world's medical experts have failed to notice. That the hirstute one's back hair has intertwined with his anal hair, causing his back to hyper-extend. This subsequently adds excessive pressure to his hamstrings, causing knee problems. A quick visit to Toni & Guy for a full back shave should solve all of his problems. Chris De Burgh? smell my cheese you mother.... |
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| 8/12/2001 09:42 GMT |
Jonny Merkin - Agent to the Stars |
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| I'd like to re-iterate the Ilmington Press Office's comments regarding the Thursday night exploits of Revolution star player Rich 'Milky' James. These allegations that Milky fell into a hopper bin behind the Kebab House whilst trying to cop an eyeful of some 'rat' over a wall are completely unfounded and potentially damaging to my client. Indeed, my client was tucked up in bed with a mug of horlicks and a nice book on Thursday night, this is contrary to allegations that he was mullered after 10 pints of 'wifebeater' and starting fights with big ginger haired bandada wearers. |
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| 7/12/2001 15:30 GMT |
The Press Office |
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| The club has today issued an official denial that star utility player Richard 'Milky' James is doubtful for Saturday's game. There is no truth whatsoever in the rummour that Mr James picked up an injury after falling in a wheelie bin round the back of the kebab shop on Thursday night while trying to watch a young couple having sexual intercourse in the nearby Minories. |
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| 7/12/2001 10:18 GMT |
Press Release - Ilmington Revolution |
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| The Ilmington Revolution Board of Directors have given Jon Ryan-Gill their full support as manager. They are delighted with his current performance as manager and the clubs finances are looking healthy, as the club have made a profit yet again this month. They are keen for Ryan-Gill to a new contract keeping him in the hotseat at "The Theatre of Drains" for 10 years. They also feel that after a heavy month of transfers, his negotiations have been second to none. Eagerly anticipated is the debut of "big name" signing James Sherman on Saturday against Badsey. |
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| 6/12/2001 21:09 GMT |
Darrens Agent (Dad) |
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| Congrats on sealing the mega bucks transfer.(when do I get my percentage) |
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| 3/12/2001 17:50 GMT |
Dribbling retards association |
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| Milky is our hero!!! he is an inspiration to dribbling 'tards everywhere. Milky we be doing an autograph signing session at his old school Marie Corelli this week in order to promote his new book "101 things to do with back hair" |
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| 3/12/2001 15:51 GMT |
Ilmington Fan |
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| Its good to see that Ilmington are an equal opportunities team. Not many sides would be prepared to let dribbling retards like Milky (see his picture) play for them |
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| 3/12/2001 12:31 GMT |
Caption Competition Entrant |
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| Kenny Burns is laughing at Milky starting as left back, whilst Matt Burgin stretches out in readiness to do a lot of running for to cover for the ambling full-back! |
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| 1/12/2001 11:32 GMT |
Carey Hunt (CLUB HISTORIAN) |
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| As club statistician and historian (general sad bas*ard) I have obtained a copy of the Daily Star from the day the club was founded Thurday 29th March 2001. As you may have guessed it was quite a historic day not just for the village of Ilmington. So here are somne little known facts about that famous day in history. The headline of the day was Daniella Westbrook was admitted to a drugs Clinic. It was also National Clevage week (quite apt as our No 6 won the competion), Jo Hicks from Leicester was the page 3 girl, George Best had been admitted to hospital and Man City manager Joe Royle vowed to keep Man City in the Premiership. |
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| 30/11/2001 17:14 GMT |
Ilmington Board of Directors URGENT PRESS RELEASE |
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| We have been approached by The Government and The Football Association as the preferred site of the new National Staduim. The plans were submitted to I.R.F.C. by Home Secretary Jack Straw and F.A. Chief Executive Adam Crozier in a secret meeting at the Howard Arms this afternoon (friday). The board can exclusively reveal that it is proposed to build a 120,000 all seater state of the art staduim, with 5 Star Hotel, Golf Course and Leisure complex at the Theatre of Drains. The aim of the Government is to make Ilmington the Mecca of World Sports, using the new Stadium as the final piece of the jigsaw, in order to clinch the World Cup, The Olympics, new Ryder Cup venue and obviously the World Darts Championship. The Board have ensured as part of the contract that no events will clash with any of the clubs Cutler Division 2 matches. Though Ilmington may be classed as some what of a surprise choice, the locals did not seem too put out by The Governments plans, as the locals will still be able to walk their dogs on the field. The only condition set out by the local representative Fred, when he over heard the plans being discussed in the Howard was that the villagers could have a new mangle worsel, of which Jack Staw begrudgingly agreed. |
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| 28/11/2001 14:04 GMT |
Social Sec |
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| Well you have heard of colemanballs well this is the top 5 bishyballs: in at 5. "were fcking all over these" (3-0 down at Quinton) at 4. "Stuart Eades off Garry Banner" then slices the ball out for a throw (again at Quinton) new in at 3. "Jonathan Ryan Gill get on your bike" (every match) at 2 "I'm not having a go at you ref i'm just dissapointed in you" (Shipston?????) and topping the pile..1. when illegally changing the match ball and holding the game up "i'm not holding the game up" (shipston). so there we go mind you if the gaffer keeps up his run of comedy moments we could have Zanzaballs next week - "don't dive in when your on the floor milky" and "Keepers ball" anyone else got any???? |
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| 27/11/2001 12:14 GMT |
Bish |
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| I Haven't been on the web site for a week or so, but its nice to see the banter has continued in my absence. It's good that we have aquired some Scottish groupies and im looking forward to seeing to them in the tubs with the lads after the game on Saturday. |
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| 27/11/2001 10:56 GMT |
Trapper |
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| Lets start the a new game along the lines of Celebrity look-a-likes called "Celebrity play-a-likes". The idea being that you give a famous footballer (preferrably current or recent) who is a ringer for a Revolution players. I'll start the ball rolling with a few easy ones, Jim Connolly - Martin Keown... Matt Petty - Chris Waddle / David Ginola... Matt Ryan-Gill - Dennis Wise... James Bishton - Ugo Ehiogu and Jon Ryan-Gill... David Hirst!!! PS You're the only one who thinks your Teddy Sheringham, Milky, so be a bit more original cos your nothing like him! Last night he claimed he was the best player on the pitch by a MILE against Alcester Lions (Cup) - Milks whilst you had a good game, and together with myself and Jono Openshaw are unsung heros this season. I think can see your head begining to grow.... |
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| 26/11/2001 19:59 GMT |
Lorraine |
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| mr jolly who invited you to join in this topic?? and who said anything about a Revolution gang bang?? as far as i can tell we have only been talking to bish and milky in here!! altho i can feel a bit of johnny openshaw coming on LOL!!!! |
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| 26/11/2001 16:58 GMT |
Ilmington Spokesman |
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| Suzanne, the Ilmington 'player' in question is undoubtedly Gav, our mascot. However if he continues to pretend he's a footballer we'll rip his opthapedic boots and leg braces off and beat him to a pulp with them. |
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| 23/11/2001 21:17 GMT |
jerry maguire |
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| i would be interested in becoming an agent for your 2 centre forwards - i am trying to resurect pub sumo and can't afford the suits..... |
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| 23/11/2001 17:15 GMT |
Jon Ryan-Gill's Agent |
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| Zuniga begged JRG to sign him from the Sky Blues last night at Bar M. He even offered to pay his £20 subs and £3 a game and was prepared to start on the bench, foregoing his current salary. Unfortunately as the Peruvian has a thigh injury at present, so may prove to be EVEN slower than Milky - negotiations ended there. However, Zuniga said he would be more than happy to make the trip over to "The Theatre of Drains" on Saturday's from his home in Leamington Spa on a weekly basis - it's better than dirty Coventry. As for your Cov's match v Brum on Sunday, a possible "loan deal" has been discussed with Poo Pants Stu making the return journey to Highfield Road. Unfortunately the lad wants to stay and fight it out (with Gav) for a place in the Revolution's team. All interest in Zuniga has now ceased. Out of interest, Jon-Sel Gurkin will be keen to know that Zuniga is great friends with Amanda de Cadinet's Spanish mate, the one you tried to get a three-some with.... Any good?? |
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| 23/11/2001 16:19 GMT |
Roland Nilsson |
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| I'm not happy, I understand that one of your players has bored my reserve centre forward into a coma. I demand compensation or a replacement player for sunday's match against Birmingham City. |
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| 22/11/2001 13:48 GMT |
Milky |
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| jealousy will get you nowhere Nige. the 10 to 2 doesn't seem to work as well for me, probably because you've got longer arms than me (you can scrape closer to the bottom of the barrel) |
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| 22/11/2001 13:29 GMT |
Lamarr |
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| Milky is gagging for anything as he's not had a shag in well over a year!!! and he has adopted my old 10-2 strategy of late. |
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| 21/11/2001 16:29 GMT |
Ged Maxwell |
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| She lives in Hull with my Grandpa, I think she's OK, thanks for your concern though. |
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| 21/11/2001 14:56 GMT |
Bob Pernickety |
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| Check your grammar Ged |
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| 20/11/2001 17:27 GMT |
Ged Maxwell |
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| Is it true that Ilmington have the most number of unavailable goalkeepers on their books. If Elvis has a backlog of washing to be sorted out I 'll be more than happy to help. |
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| 20/11/2001 14:43 GMT |
Colin Alltheheroes |
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| Is it possible to have some more of the Jonny Openshaw antics posted on the message board for his Leeds based fan club. To keep yourselves amused, ask him about what he got up the night after he completed the Great North Run. It should involve the following Guinness, Stella Artois, Jim Beam, An 18 year old girl. |
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| 16/11/2001 09:56 GMT |
Tim Flowers |
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| Any chance of that game this weekend boys? I heard that you're short of a keeper tommorrow. |
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| 13/11/2001 15:18 GMT |
Bar M spokeswoman |
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| The Turkish playboy was seen at it yet again last nite. Yet again the charms had worked and he was seen cavorting around the streets with a blonde beauty and a stylish lass with the man from del monte says yes mamories. After the legend had pulled the soon to be love godesses he was seen showing off his wacko jacko asswalk moves including a spectacular backspin, so may the spirit of the turk live on!!!! One more thing a mr dot "bish" cotton and rich "wheres wally" james were seen chatting up a young lady where the grass wasnt obviously growing on the wicket, so be on the look out the stu poo hobby is catching on. The new bar m motto is for gav the sorcerers pet chimp "PLEASE MIND THE GAP" |
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| 13/11/2001 14:57 GMT |
Bar M Spokesman |
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| There are reports that a two members of the Revolution were forced to run upstairs following a shot of tequila. CCTV footage clearly shows one of the two (tall, glasses, scruffy) making for Trap 2 in the gents, whereas the other (small, noisy, turkish) disappeared from view but denied all charges upon his return. Thankfully no one soiled the floor this week....although Gav may have soiled his pants. |
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| 12/11/2001 22:39 GMT |
Budding Youngster |
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| Is it true that Stu Poo Pants is setting up an under fifteens team, I gather he was scouting for talent on Saturday night? |
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| 9/11/2001 16:27 GMT |
Trapper |
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| HEY U GUYS!!!! dont you think I have sloth's ears from the goonies, well I am proud to have such genius like ears, so what I say goes, trapper is not what I shall be called from now on, it is sloth and for those who dont know me captain sloth. Before I leave I would like to say that john"petty"inman will be getting a rub down from the jumbotastic go go gadget schlongmeister, so beware there will be someone being served, and it looks like inmans in for a severe beating from the leaning tower of openshaw. any good inman? |
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| 9/11/2001 15:56 GMT |
Stratford Police |
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| We're investigating reports that one of your players is indeed a werewolf. We were tipped off last night when he allegedly showed of his copious amounts of back hair to an off duty WPC. He is wanted in suspicion on eating 3 cats in the Shottery area recently. |
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| 9/11/2001 15:18 GMT |
Sex Machine Jon-Sel |
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| Well boys the Love-God was on form last nite, the Turkish whirl of thunder that was unleashed from his sexy sassy mouth was very much needed due to the smell of lythall's sorry I mean jean-luc picard's breath, its easy lyth just chew a mint. I will be booking in for the ilmington dentists chair seeing as no one can handle the love gods speed and fine booty shaking skills at the bar, let alone the pitch. So I am innocent and I must be off as lythall's sister needs a good turkish birthday bump session, hey chilli sauce all round!!!! |
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| 9/11/2001 13:17 GMT |
Bar-M witness (identity witheld) |
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| I saw the aforemention Gerkin forcing the 'Ilmington 3' to drink all manner of nasty shots. Lythall was innocent as he doesn't drink anymore. Gerkin did indeed spew his ring all over the floor in a manner very reminiscent of Chris Cresswell a good few years ago (though Gerkin missed Petty's back). I agree, the Ilmington 3 are innocent. |
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| 9/11/2001 12:22 GMT |
J Merkin agent for Bishton, Petty,Lythall & James |
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| Before Mr Ryan Gill comes up with his punishment for my clients, he must take into account the part played by Turkish pop star Jon-Sel Gerkin. My clients were fooled into going out with him as he asked them to come out to celebrate his latest release. They did not realise he mean't getting pis*ed and releasing a chunder. I therefore feel that my clients are not guilty of any breech of club rule. (I would have to forefit a cut of my 10% fee if they are fined). |
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| 9/11/2001 11:56 GMT |
Ilmington Board of Directors |
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| We are very unhappy to hear that some of the squad were out on the town two nights before such an important game. Manager Jon Ryan Gill will be dealing with any disciplinary matters to arise. |
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| 9/11/2001 10:33 GMT |
Bar M doorman |
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| After studying the video evidence, the guilty person appears to neck an Aftershock and then just bend over and hurl straight away, then run up to the toilet, before returning to buy another round. Although we do not have a positive ID as yet (chief snitch Lythall is working on it), the culpret looks a lot like Abs from pop band Five. |
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| 9/11/2001 10:22 GMT |
Bar M doorman |
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| One of your lot spued up at the bar last night, and when we find out who it was he will be made to clean the gents toilets with his tongue. The only evidence we have so far is the puke its self, which after analysis appears to be a foreign dish, possibly rattouie or maybe a turkish dish ! |
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| 9/11/2001 09:48 GMT |
Welford Historian |
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| It is well documented that the vast majority of males under the age of 60 in the Stratford area played under Rich James when he managed Welford. He was forced to use almost everyone he knew who could kick a football, and quite a few who couldn't. I do not recall Tim Flowers or Alan Shearer turning out for Welford under Milky's reign, although there was a player who reminded me an awful lot of Teddy Sheringham who played on a fairly frequent basis. he was exceptionally talented and wore the number 6 shirt..... |
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| 8/11/2001 20:59 GMT |
The Sun's Editor |
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| Aparently Tim Flowers is another player who "suposedly" played under Milky at Welford along with Alan Shearer and Teddy Sheringham. Oh, look is that a flying pig? No, it's only Lythall warming up for Saturday... |
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| 8/11/2001 10:27 GMT |
Club Insider |
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| I heard that negotations with Mr Flowers were quite swift it was just that the manager did his usual world talking champion thing in an attempt to bore Mr Flowers into signing. Rumours that the noegotiations only finished when the pie shop opened are completely unfounded |
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| 7/11/2001 17:47 GMT |
Tim Flowers |
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| It's true. I spent an afternoon in negotiations with Jon regarding the possibility of my signing for the Rev. I can announce however that I will not be signing, not even on loan. Jon was clear to point out that I would have been second choice keeper behind The King, and with The Flying Pig expected to put in a good performance on Saturday I couldn't see too much possibility of first team action. None the less, I wish you all the best for the season. Tim |
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| 7/11/2001 12:31 GMT |
Kirst Gallagher |
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| Want away Leicester City Goalkeeper Tim Flowers was today spotted in HMV Stratford, fuelling speculation that he was holding secret talks with Revolution Manager John Ryan Gill about a move to Mickleton Road to ease the Rev's current goalkeeping crisis. With The King away pefrorming at the annual Elvis convention in Las Vegas the Rev are short of cover. When asked what he thought of revolution utility player Rich James, Flowers responded "Isn't he gay" |
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| 6/11/2001 10:06 GMT |
Club Insider |
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| TRANSFER SPECULATION!!!! Apparently club skipper James Bishton made an approach to talented young winger Steve Ford on Saturday night. Ford, currently with Wilmcote, played with Bishton at Welford two seasons ago under the management of Rich James. Ford is said to be disillusioned with life on the bench at The Patch, and sees the chance of first team action with the Revolution as the ideal manner to kick start his career. Ford, should fit in well at Mickleton Road as he'll be able to talk all about BMXing with Harry "Big Hand" Jolly. |
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| 5/11/2001 20:18 GMT |
Murder at Virgin Active!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| After his request for an ugly stick on the much acclaimed ilmington revolution guestbook i(Stuart Eades)handed Jono Openshaw an ugly stick, problem solved i thought WRONG! at approxmately 7pm crys of 'i know im a fcuking psycho' were heard coming from the spa where an ugly stick was found battered and bruised, broken in half and left to rot. Mr J Openshaw has now been arrested for the murder and is currently also on trial for having the chunkiest legs in the world!! if you can help with these crimes please call Crimewatch UK on 0121-506-9850 Rewards of hardcore porn on offer! many thanks P.C. Andrew McBlowjob |
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| 5/11/2001 14:49 GMT |
jono openshaw |
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| Lads, not feeling too good after playing on Saturday. Come down with something rough. The nurse, doc and the specialist all couldn't figure it out. Called in sicky at work because look awful, look like ****. Spoke to subuteo player Ryan Gill and said how bad i was. He told me to look in the mirror, asked if i looked white, had gay spikey up hair, very very dodgy boat race and was rambling ****. I said yes, to which he replyed he knew the answer. "You wore the Number 6 shirt on saturday!!" Rang the specialist, told him i was wearing Milkys shirt at the weekend, "all explained" he said... Just a small case of Milkitus. No known cure except hit yourself very hard with an ugly stick. Anyone know where i can find one? |
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| 5/11/2001 11:14 GMT |
Bish |
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| Sory millky, but no al off us are as cleever as you, and hav thee time two sit on rooves loking four aillieens and praktising your spellling. P.S. Shep wonts a word wif you. ( and if you dont now what a roove is then keeep smamy koments to your selves. |
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| 4/11/2001 20:40 GMT |
milky |
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| what a bunch of illiterates we have at this club. can i please ask, if you are going to take the effort to add messages to the guestbook - at least ensure that your spelling and grammar are at least somewhere near correct. thank you |
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| 4/11/2001 15:06 GMT |
Trevor McDonald ITN news |
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| The war against terrorism has taken an interesting new twist, what seemed to be an open goal for the pocket sized battleship last night hit a cave in afghanistan!! reports say the damage is awesome but however less can be said of Matts shooting!!! Matt is currently being tracked by Widnes and the Miami Dolphins |
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| 4/11/2001 02:31 GMT |
Zoe Russon (Will Haines bird) |
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| Quote of the century: "Milky doesn't look like a footballer, he looks more like one of those blokes who sits of rooves and looks at aliens". |
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| 1/11/2001 15:52 GMT |
A Concerned Medic |
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| A word to the wise, anybody sporting the no.6 jersey may not only catch something nasty but may also find themselves inexplicably trying to scuttle a member of the opposition up the dirt-box. |
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| 1/11/2001 12:46 GMT |
Club Spokesman |
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| Due to his unavailibility this weekend the number 6 shirt will be retired for saturdays game due to the fact that if anyone else wears it they might catch somthing nasty. Anyone willing to put on the number 6 shirt does so at their own risk and will be asked to sign an insurance waiver. The referee has also been informed that there will be a minutes yelling and wild celebration before kick off due to milkys absence |
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| 1/11/2001 11:21 GMT |
PRESS RELEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| In an amazing morning of news at Virgin Active Solihull the Ilmington trio of Ryan-Gill, Eades and Openshaw have remarkably turned down a treble swoop from foxes manager Dave Bassett! Eades confirmed avaliability for Saturdays game and stated his love for the club and the people of ilmington!(well the two farmers and a flock of sheep that live there)! Ryan-Gill was touted for the Wise role but his disgraceful disciplinary record meant he was overlooked! Openshaw however is unbelivabley been primed for a centre forward role in the understanding that if ade akinbiyi can play there then so can he! MARDON FOR REVOLUTION??? Jon we will keep you posted!!! |
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| 30/10/2001 15:34 GMT |
Alcester Linesman from saturday |
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| I wasn't gonna flag for offside, but then i got high. Gonna keep that flag by my side, but then i got high. Now i flagged greg warren offside and i know why...... because i got high, because i got high, because i got high |
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| 30/10/2001 15:26 GMT |
Gloria Stitz - Ilmington Club Shop |
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| This is true, I can announce that new into the club shop this week is "Milky Blows Goats" an action packed video starring our Number 6 in all manner of acts with goats and other farmyard animals. Other volumes soon to be available include "Gav Shags Dogs" and "Nigel Loves Spaniels" |
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| 29/10/2001 17:43 GMT |
Club Shop Manager |
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| Following his two goal salvo on staurday we have sold out of jono wright red wristbands. Bad news about the mid season video it was submitted to the film board classification who have given it an 18 rating due to the clip of milky molesting the ginger haired left back from campden. The managers autobiography "wading for fun" seems to be selling well |
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| 29/10/2001 15:00 GMT |
Jon Ryan-Gill: Ilmington Manager |
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| Any press speculation about Revolution players (including Iain Lythall) is unfounded. It's mean fabrication, and gossip - this is what makes the game so brilliant. I will defend all of my players, including Iain (who had been off the Alcohol for about 2 months now). He is a valued squad player who can not only play out but also doubles as a flying goalkeeper - his enthusiasm is second to none. Remember it's not the Premier League and to get the best out of our players, I shall not preach any Pre/Post-match Alcohol Ban's. I'm glad Iain's back on the lagers (or Shandy's).... in his role as Club Social Secretary, it's imperative for the job. Viva la Revolution!!! |
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| 29/10/2001 13:54 GMT |
NEWS FLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| Nige/Nigel/Piggy/The Flying Pig (take your pick), has fallen off the bandwagon as predicted by magazines such as Hello, Cosmopolitan and not forgetting Slimmers Weekly and The Hip And Thigh Journal. Surely another weakness in an already flawed character. Do the management have any views???????????????? |
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| 23/10/2001 11:38 GMT |
Stuart Pearce "The original psycho" |
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| Having seen Jonny Openshaw nearly squeeze the head off the Campden midfielder, who kicked him he is a shining example of a "Psycho". Indeed, when told "your a f*ckin nutter you are" he roared back "I know I am, I a f*uckin psycho". He resemble a cross between Mike Tyson and Blanka from Streetfighter as a caged animal, whilst he waited for the caution from the ref. I will take great pleasure in following his perfomances this season - a LEGEND is born!!! |
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| 20/10/2001 10:46 GMT |
Chief Sneak |
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| Nigel was not wearing a denim jacket!!!!! (shock horror) Crezza was also seen kissing the ar*e of the bass player from Ocean Colour Scene |
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| 20/10/2001 09:23 GMT |
Assistant Sneak |
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| Nigel was also in Bar-M mincing around in his nice new denim jacket wondering why all the young girlies aren't quite so attractive now he's stopped drinking. |
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| 20/10/2001 09:01 GMT |
Chief Sneak |
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| Revolution players spotted in pre match rituals on Friday nights. It has come to my attention that various playing squad members have unsual friday night habits before matchday. Matt Ryan Gill was spotted topping up his tan on a sunbed (obviously in a bid to catch the eye of the ladies watching from the sidelines) and Gaz Banter was seen absolutley ar*eholed in bar M, before probably going for a stoll along the canal with bird to find a bench for a bit of a session. |
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| 19/10/2001 10:09 GMT |
Sheffield Wednesday Football Club - TamTalk |
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| Jon Ryan-Gill has today sensationally played down speculation that he is to join the owls as the new manager. Having cut his teeth at management this season with non-league Ilmington Revolution, he said this morning "The timing is not right for me at present. I'm absolutely relishing the challenge of managing the Revolution..." he carried on "You never now with the manager merry-go-rounds at the moment, but what we have created at Ilmington is MAGNIFICENT, I'd be foolish to leave now". Other candidates now heading the list are ex-players Chris Waddle and Carlton Palmer, along with Jim Smith, Trevor Francis and Nigel Clough. |
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| 18/10/2001 11:12 GMT |
Worried Club Spokesman |
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| Its seems that our worst fears have been confirmed by photographic evidence. In spite of the clubs fantastic start to the season the board was worried that this success was going to Manager John Ryan Gill's head and this has been proved my his massive head in the team photo taken against Badsey. The board shall be closely monitoring the size of his head in future team photos and will take action accordingly if it grows any bigger. we are not to worried about his waist line as the club cannot yet afford to invest in a roller for at the theater of drains |
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| 17/10/2001 12:37 GMT |
Sheffield Evening News |
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| Today former apprentice schoolboy player John Ryan Gill was linked with a return to Wednesday as player manager. Following a successful start to the season with Ilmington Ryan Gill has attracted attention from a number of first division clubs. Ryan Gill has developed an exciting total football style of play that has been succesful at ilmington this season. So plenty of goals at both ends would be expected |
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| 16/10/2001 15:12 GMT |
Jono Openshaw |
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| So proud of the Revolution after the weekends 2-1 win. Well done lads! |
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| 16/10/2001 12:10 GMT |
Revolution Club Shop Product Launch |
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| After much anticipation the new milky style back wigs are available. They stick on from the bottom of your neck and stretch all the way down to your arse. we are convinced that this will be a big seller |
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| 14/10/2001 16:19 GMT |
The 1000th visitor to the Web Site!! |
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| Any Good??? Prediction for the season... Ilmington Revolution take the League Championship + a Cup Trophy, remember finals to be played at Mason's Road, Stratford Town's Ground. Bishy get practicing you cup lifting celebrations (World Cup Style). |
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| 14/10/2001 15:41 GMT |
George Gavin(Sky Sports) |
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| I have just attended a recent press conference at Virgin Active where a sheepish Paul Mardon once again publicly informed eager rev fans he has retired from the game. however revenue increased with appearances from Openshaw, Eades and Ryan Gill. openshaws range of protective wear sold well, Eades replica boots were snapped up for a mere £75 a pair (lythall the boots in salmon pink are on order as we speak!) and with the ilmington revolution subbuteo in the lime green away kit little ryan gills were flogged left right and centre!!!!!!!!! poll for next week? how many times will the rev dispatch the ball into the bowling enclosure? Eades's effort was a devilish attempt to waste time! (honestly) |
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| 14/10/2001 08:20 GMT |
Stratford Alliance Spokesman |
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| Apparently you played an unsigned player against Badsey yesterday. Our estemed league chairman, Mr Hayward advised that you appeared to have Warren Barton playing on the right of midfield for you. Barton is not signed on for the Revolution, please contact us asap. |
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| 13/10/2001 12:06 GMT |
Ilmington Revolution Playing Squad Spokesman |
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| Milky please, please join FISSC. I've heard their style of play is more suited to a man of your physique and they have a nice pitch |
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| 13/10/2001 11:01 GMT |
FISSC Spokesman |
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| whilst we would like Curly back at FISSC, we have to respect his wishes and admire his loyalty. PS - Do you want Jim Ferris on a free transfer? |
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| 13/10/2001 10:31 GMT |
Issac Hunt - Milky's Agent |
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| Can I just go on record here as stating that my client is very happy with his role at the Revolution and is planning to see out the season at Mickleton Road before undertaking his 3 year loan to Nottingham Trent FC. I have heard the rumours that FISSC are keen to bring Milky back into their fold after his fine season there last year, but Milky is 100% committed to the Revolution's cause. |
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| 13/10/2001 09:56 GMT |
Club Insider |
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| Transfer Speculation : A rumour is doing the rounds that over very own Jan Molby (Milks) has been approched by another club in the division above, for a hefty transfer fee, could Milky's agent please shed some light on this news. |
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| 11/10/2001 12:56 GMT |
Editor of Club Fanzine "Children of the Revolution |
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| There has been an increased amount of dissatisfaction among the supporters on the terraces. Although we are on a winning streak,it is of great amazement to all supporters. The teams being put on the pitch each Saturday look like a bunch of overweight fat b*stards who cant run after 5 minutes into the second half, or in some cases 5 minutes of the first half. We will be making our feeling felt about this grave matter of concern during the game on Saturday. The song who ate all the pies will be sang at one particular player each week whos name has been pulled out of a hat, this week number 6 has been selected |
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| 8/10/2001 14:35 GMT |
Timmy Mallet (Cox's Yard Barman) |
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| With only Elvis and The Pocket Battleship missing the post-match celebrations (due to work commitments), it was great to see nearly the full team line up from Saturday watching the England v Greece game together. Willo + Pie, Bishy, Jonny O + Pie, Lythall, Jono Wright (complete with Removable letters T-Shirt) + Pie, Petty, Trapper, Milky, Gaz Banter + Pie, Giggsy, Wardy, Gav (Club Mascot) and even a rumoured appearance by club verteran Pete Dawson (as spotted by a p*ssed Bish). We would love to see more of this from the Revolution throughout the season. We may change sponsor from Wilmcote to Ilmington if the turn-out is this good every week. The highlight of the match other than a chorus of chants from Bishy, Banner and Trapper was of course the moment Beckham's goal landed in the back of the net and half the pub being showered in lager courtesy of Petty, Trapper and Gavski. As one player mentioned to Lionel who was drenched in a golden shower, you look like a moist f*nny now! Oh and did anyone see Milky get sent off after 5 minutes.... apparently he was given the red card for protesting that there were too many people in the box!!! |
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| 8/10/2001 12:16 GMT |
Milky |
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| RE: Own Goal. It's true, I did indeed do a Tommy Hutchinson and score at both ends for Stratford Albion yesterday, with the own goal past the Flying Pig, the pick of the finishes. Hightlight of the game however was Lionel taking one right in the plums after about an hour. I saw him cop a full blooded shot, and the ball was cleared down field. My next look back towards our goal found Lionel on his back like a dead turtle. |
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| 8/10/2001 12:03 GMT |
Ilmington Revolution Clubcall |
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| Transfer speculation.... Stratford Albion player/manager Matt Burgin has confirmed that striker James Sherman who has hit 9 goals for the club this season, will not be able to make the step up to the Revolutions squad, due to work commitments. However, defender Brett Weatherhead also of Stratford Albion has hinted to "Trapper" Jon (whilst in Bar M on saturday night) that he would love a transfer from Stratford Spartak to the Revolution in the Alliance as he can't get in the side (Jamies Davies and Matt Hunt are keeping him out). However, he can't have seen the competition for places at Ilmington yet and he would face an uphill battle to get in ahead of Bishy or Openshaw let alone the other defenders. Also Matt Ryan-Gill and Jono Openshaw are working hard to bring ex-Wales, Blues and Baggies legend Paul Mardon out of retirement. Rumour has it the 31-year old may appear for the Revolution in the Stratford Spartak match in the Nursing Home Cup... as centre forward - He'll be unstoppable!!! Trapper Jon has also added fuel to the fire by having a side bet (a pint of lager) with Stratford player Jamie Davies that he WILL score past him in the game! Following the match there should be a keen contest between Matt Petty and (Ex-Welford Boss) Nick Laine - a very competitive cards game is expected following the cup match. Watch this space.... |
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| 8/10/2001 10:51 GMT |
Trapper |
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| In response to the tempting Ms Block's offer - I am continually linked with all the top managerial vacancies, most recently Coventry City, Leicester City, and even the other day the Scotland Post!! However, with no professional playing experience I would always have to commit my future to the Revolution. Even if the latest club without a manager Derby County offered me the chance to take the helm at Pride Park I'd still have to remain faithful and see out my contract at "The Theatre of Drains"..... Only one club could tempt me from the Ilmington Hot Seat, none other the super owls - Sheffield Wednesday. Till then, I together with the Revolution's Committee shall guide the club to success in the Stratford Alliance!!! |
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| 4/10/2001 16:36 GMT |
Angel |
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| Its nice to see Milky has cut that stupid fringe off, didn't he look like a twat. Also can we please see more of the club mascot, he's so cool and spunky and he gives me a wide on every time I see him strutting around the pitch, Ill meet him in the Minories for a bit of oral any day. |
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| 3/10/2001 15:16 GMT |
Kirsty Gallager's PR agent |
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| To set the record straight after Mr Stelling's off-the-cuff remark, Miss Gallagher is currently dating a no-mark egg chaser, sorry, rugby player. She is also very close links to a superstar golfer who shall remain nameless. I suggest Mr Lythall pursue women who are actually in his league. My advice is to carry on taking advantage of drunk 16 year-olds in Bar M at about 1.55am. I hope this clears up the confusion surrounding the delectable Miss Gallagher. |
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| 26/9/2001 16:33 GMT |
Martin Hicks (Newcastle United Midland Scout) |
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| I've seen Jon Ryan-Gill play at Stratford Town whilst I was assistant manager to Eastern Shaw and could see the gifted right foot he possessed as a young 20-year old striker. He reminds me of a young Dennis Bergkamp with the northern strength and passion of David Hirst. I believe he could link up very well with his older brother Matt Ryan-Gill (formerly of Alveston) and Matt Petty (Stratford-upon-Avon's seasoned professional) this season to score many valuable goals. On that note, I have also heard that Matt Petty likes to score spectacular "Matt Le Tissier" style goals. With these boys on the same team, there should be a great contest between him and Jon Ryan-Gill for the goal of the season competition. Hope you have a good season, I may be along to watch the development of the young Will Haines and that Stuart Eades lad! |
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| 26/9/2001 15:38 GMT |
Wilmcote S & S Fan |
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| I must admit, I too am a massive fan of Jon Ryan-Gill or "Giggsy" as he is more affectionately known at "The Patch". He was originally signed from Stratford Town after a brief spell. Ilmington skipper James Bishton acting as the players agent (In Bar M) with the Wilmcote manager Steve Price. I have fond recollections of his performances during the second half of the 1998/99 season for the first team. Having set up numerous goals for fellow strike partner Simon Reid that season, he hadn't managed to get on the score sheet as much himself. In the final game of the season "Giggsy" started the match in the unusual position as substitute. He took it like a man and fully supported the teams cause during the game. With 25 minutes to go, Pricey asked Giggsy to replace one of the strikers. With his first touch Giggsy recieved the ball and took it round a number of defenders before swerved a curling right-foot shot into the top right hand corner (Very much like the Ryan Giggs goal at Villa Park in that Semi-Final v Arsenal). The crowd went wild and 5 minutes later, a through ball was played through to him. He round the last defended and this time slotted a low shot past the keeper to the bottom right corner of the goal. The crowd were in jubilations at this stage and in the final moments of the game Giggsy had a chance at the back post from a long searching ball. He couldn't quite connect for his hat-trick, but it was a great move. An all round a splendid display of football, and from that moment Giggsy became a cult hero with the Wilmcote faithful. The following season he returned to university in Nottingham. Whilst making the weekend journey back to Stratford, he started the 1999/2000 season for Wilmcote. He linked up very well with fellow strikers Dan Valentino and Ed Smith and scored some valuable goals. However, his committments to university grew and visits to Sheffield became more frequent. He eventually signed for Nottinghamshire FC, in the Midland Amateur Alliance and that was the end of his season in the Midland Comination that year. We did see him back at Wilmcote for the start of the 2000/01 season, however and he managed to score and set some vital goals up, early in the season for the club. Again, he was unable to commit to the club on a regular basis and eventually signed for Hunters Bar FC in Sheffield, to tie in with his visits to the capital of the North. What a great asset you have as Manager!!! |
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| 26/9/2001 14:06 GMT |
Hunters Bar FC Fan |
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| Ah yes, I too have marvelled at the awsome display of finishing skills shown by JRG (The man I originally named "Battletank"). Only last season in one of 3 games for us, he managed to single-handedly beat local rivals Highfield FC, in blizzard like conditions and ankle-deep mud (This won him the Performance of the Season Award). He was brought in for his first game and managed to bag 4 of the goals for the club (Wearing his white "Di Canio" style boots). There was all manner of finishes starting with a right-footed strike beating the keeper on a through ball. The second a header, out jumping the goalkeeper from a corner. The third to mark his hat-trick was a Geoff Hurst style run and hammer shot, down the right wing. Eventually he rounded off the performance with a close range finish, from a stong run down the wing by his stike partner Paul Fenn. This really kick-started our season, and he is already greatly missed. Perhaps the most influential parts of his game (as I'm sure you'll agree) is his ability to pass the pass in the final third of the pitch. No doubt he will set up many chances for whoever partners him up front this season. All the best Ilmington!!! |
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| 26/9/2001 11:54 GMT |
Rich Bagust - Nottinghamshire FC (Manager) |
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| Having seen first hand Jon "Double-Barrell" Ryan-Gill play as centre forward in the Midland Amatuer Alliance during the second half of the 1999/2000 season, I think you boys greatly under estimate his skills as a player. It took him 4 games to get his first goal for the club, however one he started scoring he couldn't stop (Yes including a bullet-like penalty). He scored 4 goals in 2 seperate games, ending the season as a club legend with a total of 10 goals in 10 games, adding many vital assists to his fellow team mates. His finest display was probably the match against AFC Dayncort the run-away league leaders, who had lost once all season. He single handedly took the game to the opposition banging in headers and volleys from all angles. He opened with a right foot volley to the left of the area about 25 years out, stiking the ball sweetly. His second was a powerful header from a corner, beating the keeper from 8 yards out. His third was one of the best a 40 yeard lobbed volley, beating the very "cocky" keeper off line. He rounded off his display by slipping a left footed shot past the outstretched keeper, clearly taking the Man-of-the-Match award. He was even approached by the opposition after the game, to change his allegance but informed them of his impending return to Stratford-upon-Avon. Rest assured, he will prove ALL his critics wrong!!!! |
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| 26/9/2001 10:50 GMT |
Barry Bethel (remember me?) |
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| Hi, having come across the site I'd like to enquire about the possibility of kit sponsorship for the season. As a director of Slimfast, we'd like to sponsor your number 6 and number 9 shirts, as well as the goalkeeper jersey for Stratford Albion. Please get in touch. |
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| 26/9/2001 10:35 GMT |
Jan Molby (ex-Liverpool player) |
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| I have been watching Ilmington Revolution's progress and development in the early stages. I can't help but think that your young midfielder Rich "Milky" James's style of play resembles myself in my prime. Winning numerous headers in midfield and always looking to give the easy ball. He seems anchored to the half-way line. With a little more work, he may one day have a Thunderbolt Free-kick, to add to his artilliary like me. Sound Like!!! |
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| 24/9/2001 08:28 GMT |
Andy Gray (Sky Sports) |
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| Watch out for the young 19 year old Stuart Eades. He is definately one to watch this season. With previous experience as a West Brom trainee, then moving to Bromsgrove he is stacked with potential. Usually plays out on the wide right similar to David Beckham, although he showed everyone that he would cause the Alliance Division 2's Old and Balding defenders that he can put them to shame! That is if Redditch United don't poach him from under the Revolution's noses. |
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| 23/9/2001 20:54 GMT |
Petski Sports |
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| Prices have just been issued for the rev's leading scorer: G Warren 9/4 M Petty 7/2 J Ryan Gill 5/1 R James 6/1 M Ryan Gill 10/1 I Lythall your having a laugh/1 Anyone else 33/1 apart from that pacey lad that came on for the last 15 minutes against Shipston |
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| 22/9/2001 09:19 GMT |
Kirsty Gallagher Sky Sports.com |
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| Transfer speculation today linked Illmington revolutions utilty player Richard James with a move away from Mickleton Road. It has been reported that Turkish club U Fatta Bstard have had an initial offer of 1 million Turkish Lira turned down by Revolutions manager John Ryan Gill. Ryan Gill is thought to value James at half that price. The Turkish club face stiff competition from polish side Ugly Cnut for the pretty boy wannabee striker |
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| 17/9/2001 16:49 GMT |
Championship Manager |
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| Following the game against Alcester Lions, we have changed the positions of the following players to: Lythall, Iain - F R, Jolly, Harry - F R, Sims, Matt - F L, James, Rich -D L, Connolly, Jim - Physio and Burns, Kenny - Linesman. |
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| 17/9/2001 13:59 GMT |
Shaw Taylor (Police 5) |
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| We are after one of your players, a Mr Lythall. He is wanted in suspicion of stealing the lead off the roof of Stratford's Holy Trinity church and hiding it in his boots during the game against Alcester. Any information you can offer may result in a reward. Keep 'em peeled. |
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| 30/8/2001 11:19 GMT |
Paul Mardon (of professional stock!) |
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| hear your playing this Sunday, any chance of a game lads? I'm missing it!! |
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| 19/8/2001 09:56 GMT |
Tony and Jose Winters |
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| Nice to see a good turn out last Tuesday for your first friendly. The strip looked good. Keep your heads up and all the best for the next game against FISSC and give "Trapper" John and Skipper Bish all the support you can on the field. |
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| 15/8/2001 11:53 GMT |
Ivor Hardy |
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| I was once an up and coming young apprentice at Bradford City until i played a certain Jon Openshaw when he was a youth team player at Leeds United, needless to say he was very much superior and we were pummelled 12-1! Openshaw netting 9 of them. I now work as a 25p a date escort in Selly Oak let this be a lesson to you all! LEAVE THE STRATFORD ALLIANCE OR FACE THE WRATH OF JONNY O!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| 15/8/2001 09:05 GMT |
Bernie Winters |
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| You under estimate the quality of Openshaw. He is like a young Roy Keane, fiery in the tackle, but has a right foot like Glenn Hoddle at his prime. He will be a great asset to the Revolution on the pitch and off it (if you like that sort of thing, backs to the walls boys) |
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| 15/8/2001 08:14 GMT |
Stuart Eades |
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| Jono Openshaw is without doubt the player to watch this year with his stunning aerial ability, majestic first touch and a rocket shot he will cause no end of problems! rumour has it a scout from Crystal Palace took a keen interest at last nights mauling where his out and out qualities still shone through. He the Man!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| 14/8/2001 12:58 GMT |
Stuart Eades |
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| Watch out for Jono Openshaw, He is highly recommended by Ex Pro Paul Mardon as the new Matt Ryan-Gill he is currently travelling down from Leeds to appear in the highly prestigious Stratford Alliance! |
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