FanclubFancy joining the new CanonBalls fanclub. Well it's simple.
All you have to do is be female, and be able to turn up every Thursday, watch for 5 mins
and retire to the bar where you drink and/or smoke and congratulate the balls when they
come in dripping with sweat after another hard-fought victory.
Current members are:
Mandy Geen (Chairperson);
Claire (Mandy's mate);
All you have to do to join, is to e-mail Mandy with your details and she'll take it from there.*
*Please enclose a cheque for £25 made payable to Mr. J.B.Kinsey and allow up to
28 months to process your order as Mandy is bloody lazy!
Mandy requested that like the players the fans deserve their own profiles, so here they are Mandy.
Being the younger brother of Balls star Joey, Marc was obviously born with a disability, though he uses this to his advantage in order to get a much sought after front row seat at the Balls home games.
Marc has expressed his burning ambition to join the Balls once an oportunity arises, and has often accused Balls managers of discriminating against him due to his disability. He was once heard to cry "is it becuase I is Joey's bruvver?" Much to the youngster's delight this seemed to work as he made his debut last season, having to come off after ten minutes knackered!! Despite this, he has remained a loyal fan, though we all know Joey only brings him so as to use Marc's orange card to grab a decent parking space!
Well, what can I say about Mandy that hasn't already been said? Quite a lot really, but she gives me a lift to work every so often, so I might do well to shut up!
Mandy's a versatile player who covers a lot of ground in her appearances on a Thursday, travelling from pitch to pitch comparing the legs of players on other teams - but let's face it, we've got the best Balls (boom, boom)! Shy Mandy usually leaves the pitchside after 5 minutes, because she knows football is a blokes sport and a woman's place is in the kitchen - what a bird!!
I'd better be careful what I say here, cos I don't know her that well. Good lass, and a real team player. Assisting Mandy in her travels, the Blonde Bombshell represents the posher side of the fanclub being the only one with a double-barrelled surname. She doesn't let it affect her performance though, and refuses to be associated with the pompus twats that The News of the World often mention in her company. Namely Changing Rooms stars, Anna Ryder - Donkey and and Lawrence Llewllyn-Boselecta! "MDF" she's been heard to say, "stands for Men, Drink and Football". We're not sure whether we believe her though, cos we've seen her drink and we've seen her watch football, but us men are still waiting for her to show her true potential.
Well Tiny - oops, I mean Tina - has only turned out once for the Balls, and has promised more appearances. A 14 year stint in the youth team cos no-one believed her when she said she was too old, has stood her in good stead. In fact it was only cos she sold her cow for some beans and grew rapidly that they let her go. Because of this though, she was often out injured due to snapped branches and such like. She decided it was better for her career if she didn't water herself for a couple of weeks to return to normal. It was a life threatening decision, but it's worked - a great prospect for the future.
This has to be the coup of the season. Originally meant to be a multi-million pound buy from the Xmas Party Organiser's Comittee, we have waited for her to see out her time with them and nabbed her under the Bosman ruling! Personally, I think that Nicky deserves her place in the fanclub, despite showing a clear favouritism to one player. Still, she has been known to have her blonde moments and that must have been one of them!
Nicky is one of our, what you might call, 'armchair' supporters and has yet to be seen at a Balls game. It's runoured that this might be because she is a similar type of woman to Mandy and just knows her place is in the kitchen - it has been heard that she can be fond of the kitchen floor (along with her pizza) following a good night out! I actually think that it's down to the fact that she's now in her late twenties(!) and just can't hack it anymore!
New recruit Gems started following the Balls by accident really! It was a combination of Joe and Mandy's recruitment skills that attracted her to the club in a multi-million pound move that everyone thought just wouldn't happen! However, as we all know - in the game of fanclubs, anything's possible.
It was at the recent Christmas Party when the two parties reached an agreement. Joe left Gems with Mandy at the table, who took care of personal terms by supplying her with cigarettes for the evening. He then saw her movement and control throughout the night and decided to approach the chairman for cash in time for the vital clash with Vodafone! The only stumbling block now, is can Gemma repeat her performance on a regular basis? The world awaits!