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Guru got the NaKNACK of winning in Tornado Town

Laurence Payne  Monday, March 11, 2002  21:37 GMT

Guru Nanak 4 Down Town 2

Windy, Blowy, Blustery, Breezy, these are all words that have been used in the past to describe Lothair Road playing fields. It should be re-addressed Tornado Town or Hurricane Heights after this weeks match. The only good point in the conditions were that the gale was blowing across the pitch and therefore ruined the whole game for both teams and not just for one half each.

DT resources were stretched to the limit and beyond as they could only manage to field 11 men and failed to provide a sub, (which would end up being costly) or a lino.
This was great considering GN were top of the table. Fortunately two of the old boys returned so the eleven men on show were a strong looking side on paper.

The ref. blew the whistle to start the game but no-one heard it so he had to blow it again to get everybodyís attention. The game kicked off and the pattern settled down early. DT for once were not favouring the long ball game choosing to play to feet, where as the GN side were trying to utilise the front lines pace by whacking the ball over the top, but to their continued frustration they found Wiggy cooper in fine form sweeping up behind a very tenacious Big J. The first goal of the game came DTís way, good work down the right between Daley Thomas and Roy Ratters Ratcliffe got a throw in, even against the strong wind Mad Dog Kent launched the ball a fair distance and it completely caught the GN defence out, bounced over the centre half and Karl Thomas nodded it home bravely under the challenge of the GN keeper. DT players were pinching themselves in disbelief, and a couple of the more fruity ones were pinching each other, but thatís another story.

GN now woke up and started to apply a bit of pressure, mainly through their strikers, the Asian Iímnotgo Winoff (whoís name will be explained later), and their one white out field player. The DT side defended with all their might but something had to give, and it did, a snap shot from a corner was pounced on by Muzzy but all he could do was palm it into the area where the GN striker reacted quickest to force the ball home. GN were cock-a-hoop and couldnít believe their luck.

DT were not about to give up and were soon back in their opponents faces, although not too close, (you know curry breath and all that), Gaffey, Jeffs and Chinny Forber were snapping away at their heels and due to over exuberance Chinny and Mad Dog were booked for the umpteenth time this season. 1-1 at half time, neither side went in too happy.

The second half started much the same as the first had finished, both sides toiling to come to grips with the conditions but again DT were shading the pressure. That was until in the 50th min Chinny went in for a header and forgot to lead with his chin. His left eye came into contact with his opponents head and he went down in a pool of blood. Chinny over the years has shown an ability to cut that Billy Schwer would have been proud of. Attempts to fix him up were to no avail so as he headed for A & E DT headed for 40 mins with 10 men.

For 15 mins they held out bravely as GN found it difficult to exploit the extra man, then from a deep cross the white man who could jump headed the ball goal wards, Muzzy stuck out a right hand but only deflected the ball onto the cross bar, it dropped down and again as in the first half the GN striker was first to react with a simple tap in.

For DT now the wheels seemed to have fallen off as they started to tire and lose shape a little in search for an equaliser, but with gaps now being left at the back the GN striker nipped in for his hat trick and also GNís third.

DT could have now started feeling sorry for themselves but instead got stuck in and when Daley Thomas robbed the GN centre half and fed his brother he coolly slotted home for 3-2. Could a come back be on the cards.

Things now went a bit weird, first of all the Asian striker (you know Iímnotgo Winoff), who was spending half his time sulking and the other half off side got the hump because of the DT criticism of his love of all things Turfy (and I donít mean Charlie), his team mates realised he was about to get the bejeebers knocked out of him by someone so attempted to sub him. He stuck out his bottom lip and refused to move, he even tried to claim ownership of the ball to try and stay on the pitch. Eventually he skulked off to the changing rooms, one of his team mates was shouting after him that he had to go as it was his shift in the shop. Just after this the giant Caribbean central mid fielder was finally let out of Jeffsyís pocket and went on a surging run into the DT area, Muzzy came out and challenged for the ball, unfortunately for the GN boy he took a bit of a knock aswell, either that or he decided to audition for the church choir as a soprano as he squealed in pain. Jeffsy obviously upset by his demise tried to help him to his feet by the scruff of the neck but he carried on squealing. With about 5 mins left Jeffsy brought down a GN man on the edge of the area, Muzzy stood by his left hand post to arrange the wall, the GN man took the kick and it flew into the net. The ref. rightly disallowed the goal, pointing out that he must wait for the whistle to be blown. Again Muzzy attempted to line up the wall, the ref. appeared to whisper something to the GN player and he again took the kick with Muzzy stranded. Apparently you donít have to wait for the whistle if the ref. whispers the magic word in your ear.

So the game and this report finished at 4-2, DT battled well and if this hadnít been a week where only 11 turned up or Steve Forber had kept his chin up who knows what the out come would have been. At least now with Roy back we know if we canít shake any opposition we can shake each others hands.
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